Bang's Blogs: Kasane Teto vs Weird AI Yankovic
(Capejedi)
(Garf)
(ishi_yuki)
(GumballViking)
(Grantora)
(Lain)
(Derpy)
“Where words fail, music speaks.” -Hans Christian Andersen
Kasane Teto, the April Fool’s Day synthesizing UTAUloid.
Weird Al Yankovic, the American songwriter and parodist.
Throughout recorded human history, there lies a universal truth: everyone loves a good comedy. But humor can be derived from all sorts of mediums, even something as abstract as music. But what if the joke was on us all along? Because these two's popularity and renowned acclaim are no laughing matter! Will UTAU tornado overwhelm the parody prodigy or will Weird Al’s comedic genius sweep away the synthetic storm? It's time for a DEATH BATTLE with styles and sounds!
Before We Start…
For a battle as unique as this, ground rules are absolutely mandatory.
For Weird Al, a man who has decades upon decades of history, he's also gotten roles where Al isn't quite himself. This includes iconic characters such as Milo Murphy, Banana Man, Cheese Sandwich and… oh… Darkseid.
So yeah we're not gonna count those. However, official SONGS where he plays a character will be fine, like the Saga Begins, where he inserts himself as Obi Wan Kenobi. This is because these are inherently tied to what he's famous for; Parody music. The songs will obviously take the most priority, but there's also the music videos, comics, and other mediums that adapt his work in various ways, as well as his own TV show where he plays himself, and the movie where he was played by Daniel Radcliffe. He also has other cameo appearances where he plays himself across other pieces of media.
As for Teto, she's obviously a lot trickier to pin down. Despite being a UTAUloid in origin, her popularity has let her appear in many official Vocaloid outings, and her name and voice are attached to a lot of songs officially acknowledged by the franchise. Anything Teto appears in or would be comparable to within official Vocaloid parameters (so companies like SEGA, Crypton or TAIKO) are fair game, but her main account is Twindrill, which highlights a lot more creators and songs. These social media accounts are vital in uncovering the depths of her “official” appearances. Similarly to Al, we don’t include music videos where Teto is not represented visually.
With how Kasane Teto’s entire existence is owed by the internet, there’s bound to be materials we are unable to look into not out of oversight but by the simple fact that it has been lost through time, the biggest being the old retweets on Twindrill’s Twitter(X) which act as their seal of approval. As this is their most active social media yet, Twitter’s dogshit post viewing limit prevented us from digging even deeper, so if there’s someone to blame, point to the guy who ruined Twitter (as if Twitter was ever good in the first place 💀). As with our research, we also came across a small percentage of songs that uses generative AI for their visual, while we can judge it on a case-by-case basis as some do have man-made art taking up the majority of the visuals, we will be excluding them entirely for this blog to future proof ourself from any reasonable flacks here at Bangs Blogs. But as with topics like this, your own critical judgement is important.
Overall, this battle has hundreds upon hundreds of moving parts, so to avoid even further confusion and hassle, we're approaching this as a composite one versus one scenario. In other words, we're tackling this as if every version of these characters are one in the same. This is because both should already have confirmation that every version is still the same person, so we won't have to worry about completely different stat spreads across variants of the characters.
Additionally, we have to credit Miss Dime’s Weird Al character blog, and G1’s Scooby-Doo vs Courage for assisting with the research; as well as Aggravating_Floor, Flip, and WWAL for helping out with the graphics.
And for one final tangent;
So.. Why This Matchup?
(Lain)
Kasane Teto in VS as it is has been a hot, if not contentious topic, undoubtedly due to Miku's meteoric rise in the VS scene. However, this popularity comes with misconceptions, which have only doubled in Teto's case. The big one being that Teto doesn't have a presence in a VS sense without relying on other Vocaloids to scale to, and that even if Teto did have a presence, there would be no way to establish canon from fanon. Well if that was true, there wouldn't be a blog, now would there? These complaints by and large are from people who (to be harsh but honest) didn't look into Teto hard enough, or in some cases at all. As listed above, Teto has her own social media accounts the same way Hatsune Miku does, and even with the roadblock we encountered, it's an understatement to say we were drowning in material to go over across multiple mediums. Once again, Teto's popularity has been seriously downplayed, something that seems surprisingly common in the Vocaloid community. Many are also under the assumption that, like most Vocaloids, Teto doesn't have much, if any, established lore to define her as a character. This is not true. Given her origins and concept were tailor made by the people, they show Teto as a person who has a knack for failing upwards, is deemed a joke but deceptively oozes raw talent, and eventually rises to the top of the industry. Sound familiar?
As for the Yankovic in the room, obviously ninety nine out of a hundred times, real life people aren't meant to be powerscaled, and most (validly) take issue with the concept. However, not only are we exclusively sticking to fictional lore, feats and whatever other weird stuff he has in store, Weird Al is a very humble celebrity who isn't afraid to be in a setting like this. Most of the jokes have been at his own expense, and he's portrayed himself in many life or death scenarios. He's also someone who loves his community and actively likes contributing to it. We obviously mean no ill will with this MU, and we intend to showcase why he's been so beloved all these years in the way we do best. Same case for Teto and the community that channeled their love and adoration to create a UTAUloid all their own. If this blog introduced you guys to some new songs to put in your playlist, then we did our job.
Background
Kasane Teto
“Don’na maiku mo nigirimasu! (どんなマイクも握ります)”
A Virtual Diva who started as a joke for April Fools by 2chan’s elaborate prank to the Niconico side of the VOCALOID community, Kasane Teto wanted to be much more than a carbon copy of Hatsune Miku; she wanted to have an identity of her own, something that’s definite and real, perhaps be an actual original diva. Even when dedicated trolls created her with chimera-like uniqueness, tsundere personality, and twin-drilled hairstyle, her identity was seen as nothing more than a copy and a joke. Her code name 0401 implies it too.
As Vocal Synths such as Hatsune Miku and her friends evolved to sound more human-like, Kasane Teto had remained the same UTAUloid that sounds robotic-like. Despite being made in an outdated and fan-made software, It made Teto as a Virtual “Diva” unique, in which lead to her rise in popularity, almost achieving her dreams of becoming a true Diva herself, despite her success almost landing her to be a part of VOCALOID itself, she was later on adapted to Synthesizer V. With this outstanding revelation from the presumed Fake Diva. She had found herself a real identity of being a Virtual Idol and a fanbase of her own, even rivaling the Virtual Singer that inspired her entire existence, still at the ripe age of 31.
But through that success, Teto found herself in a new dilemma. Teto became TOO popular. Too fast. To many, she wasn’t the funny cute UTAUloid anymore, but rather the overhyped, bloated synth that wore out her welcome. Many artists noticed this change, and some even agreed with the sentiment. DECO 27 themselves even made a statement saying they would never use Kasane Teto in their songs. Her fandom, still memelords at heart as they’ve been since the beginning, now had more negative connotations surrounding them, largely due to Teto’s mainstream popularity and the new age fans she gathered as a result. Despite being bigger than ever, Teto had never been more alone. However, Teto was always in good company, both in the digital world and in real life. Thanks to the Special Relief Committee, Teto was finally able to accept her new, strange life as a digital superstar. Today, Teto is still one of the most popular synths in the industry, but what that entails remains to be seen. One thing is apparent though; she always ends up with the last laugh.
Weird Al Yankovic
“People that were a little nerdy in high school would look up to me and know it gets better.”
Even as a young boy, Alfred Matthew Yankhovic knew what he wanted out of life. His goal from the very beginning was to take pre-existing songs and put his own spin on them, much to the dismay of his father, who was excommunicated from an Amish Paradise for trying to do just that. As such, he tried everything he could to ruin Al's dreams, even going as far as to destroy his childhood accordion. But ultimately, this would only fuel Al’s desire to become the parody artist he dreamed to be, much against his father’s wishes. This fleeting dream would become reality when his first song “My Bologna” became an overnight sensation, despite having to record his songs in a bathroom. Al’s success would continue to grow exponentially, but that success ultimately got the better of him.
With the fame going to his head, Al hooked up with Madonna, who manipulated him into becoming more of a spoiled brat that cared more about her and his music than any of his friends, or even his musical mentor and childhood idol, Doctor Dimento. He went on to go quintuple platinum, which caught the attention of druglord Pablo Escobar who kidnapped Madonna, causing Al to track down and kill him to get her back. Unfortunately, in a higher position of power, Madonna instead became the new drug lord in his place. After having nothing, Al recognized who he really was and patched things up with his father, which led to the song “Amish Paradise”. This song made Al win a grammy, which tragically led to his assassination at the hands of Madonna during his acceptance speech in 1985.
After that, Al became a zombie and got better, just in time for the Weird Al Show, not to be confused with that time he hijacked MTV for AL TV. But he would bring along his hamster pal Harvey and spend his life savings on a split level cave twenty miles below the surface of the earth. After that fell through due to network meddling, Al has done about everything and has made appearances across all sorts of media, often being as weird as his stage name implies. From Albuquerque to Bedrock to Jurassic Park to the Jackson Park Express, it's become increasingly clear that this is Al's world and we're all living in it. And given what you're about to learn this should make you very, VERY afraid of Weird Al Yankovic.
Experience & Skill
Kasane Teto
As is the case for all Vocal/UATUloids, Kasane Teto is only limited by the imagination of her users, so it should come as no surprise that Teto is a very capable fighter in many fields and has also dabbled in many professions. She’s been a doctor and scientist a dozen of times so her smarts are second to none, even if her hypotheses are a bit nonsensical for the unintelligent and she knows morse code too! She has saved the world from planetary collision and a Soulslike Demon Lord, the latter of which takes place in an isekai world where she was left with nothing and has to make do with a drill, which led to her accumulate many MANY talents and skills in just a few years. Speaking of adaptability, while not explicitly shown on-screen, her stint as a Rewinder (who for the uninformed are special agents sent to a fixed point in time to save a target from their tragic death) greatly helps her survivability, being able to adapt during life threatening situations and the heat of combat. At their most basic they were expected to be proficient in martial arts and remembering and avoiding an enemy attack pattern, which makes sense why she’s also great with basically any other weapon thrown her way, like blades, guns, bats, the works as well as el boxing and kung fu. But the extent of Teto’s fighting capabilities are rather difficult to pin down, simply because of how vague things can get. Though psychologically, she is a serial manipulator. She has started a cult on numerous occasions, feeding them lies that the world is out to get them or giving them false positive reassurance, using that dependency to attack someone she doesn’t like, and by the end uses that following as a stepping stone to reach newer heights. Rather poetic for someone with an origin shrouded in deception.
Weird Al Yankovic
At first, Al might not seem like much of a traditional fighter, or one at all, but don't be fooled; many have perished assuming the same thing. For one thing, he’s surprisingly intelligent. He has knowledge in advanced genetics (it’s one of his doctorates), and even became Mayor Surgeon of his city. And to further disprove the view that Al isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, he’s been shown to be very well acquainted with technology, to the point where he hijacked MTV to host his own show. This is surprisingly consistent, given there’s an entire song about Al’s knowledge (and elitism) surrounding computers. He also has quite a few inventions under his belt, as you’ll see in the arsenal section. Not too surprising, as Al’s always been a tinkerer at heart ever since he built his own accordion. Alongside that, he can demolish assassins in hand to hand and ranged scenarios, and will get especially feral if his lucky snorkel is threatened. If that wasn’t enough, not only did the narrator in his movie call him the deadliest assassin in the world, he’s had himself a very successful career in the CIA filled with infiltrating and toppling regimes, terminating enemy spies, and torturing moles. Additionally, he’s also just a really acrobatic guy. Also he was trained by Yoda in the ways of The Force and raised young Anakin Skywalker because he felt like it.
And finally, he’s bilingual, making covers of both Eat It and Jurassic Park entirely in Japanese!
Equipment
Kasane Teto
Baguette
One of the most iconic items Teto has had since day 1, her love for this french bread knows no bounds and is basically the reason why she’s still alive. She will trade any food she has, especially peach meat pie, for a buttered toast. Inside a combat scenario however, this thing is rather sturdy, capable of being wielded as a sword to whack enemies with as just a very sturdy baguette or, sigh, Triple T’s bat… it can even turn into her own personal rocket.
SuperCell Battery
When she is surrounded by two bandits in the middle of nowhere, Teto decides to throw a battery at her already battered car (pun intended), exploding in the process.
Guns
As an UTAUloid, especially one as old as Teto, she has appeared in a plethora of music videos where she gains the ability to wield Joker’s Neutral Special, a GUN! From using a flintlock pistol in “FIRE!!!” that can send people flying miles away, a sniper rifle and twin pistol for when she’s solo queuing in some battle royale during “Friendly Fire”, a shotgun from the music video “By Myself” where she uses it to shoot a mirror (02:18), and a laser gun to finally beat Uta in a boxing match with her not being able to block the laser attack… well that doesn’t seem fair now does it?
Medical Equipment
With a slew of songs putting her in the position of a medical professional, whether or not she’s good or not is highly dependable, allowing her access to equipment such as scalpels, an oversized scalpel, syringes, and yes, pills, buckets of them.
Butchery Equipment
After Yi Xi introduces her a thing or two about human meat, Teto would start brandishing her own set of tools to kill her ex, like a bonesaw, skewer, meat cleaver, and boning & skinning knife.
Scythe
When the randomness of death eventually catches wind of your borrowed time, Teto will be right at death’s door to take your life away and hunt you down with her scythe.
Pitchfork
As the devil to Miku’s angel side of their rivalry, Teto armed herself with a pitchfork fitting for her chaotic nature.
Sledge Hammer
In order to make a strong statement regarding corrupt empires that exploit its citizens, Teto armed herself with a sledge hammer and literally shattered a crown.
Baseball Bat
To illustrate the complicated feelings of reality never appreciating your hardwork, Teto is geared from top to bottom in a baseball uniform and bat on hand, using it to bash a bunch of TVs or a secret clone. A barbed version of this is featured in “Standard Zombie Bat” where it is assumed to have holy properties. that can kill the souls of the recently deceased, likely thanks to being dipped in...
Holy Water
Can’t have exorcisms without it! Any evil soul dunked in this water won’t be coming back out.
Hero’s Sword
While it was told and shown that she’s unable to pull the sword from the stone due to her status as an NPC, subsequent scenes would depict her inexplicably wielding it… Odd inconsistency aside, true to its name, this sword is quite powerful, able to conjure a pillar of light that destroys the cliff she’s standing on.
Cutlass
In the upcoming MIKUCrossing♪06 themed around pirates, most of the vocal synth cast that are going to appear are equipped with a good ‘ol cutlass.
Giant Scissors
Based on the myth of Kuchisake-Onna, all she wants is to be loved, but all she gets is a bombardment of insults, if only she can rip their faces with oversized scissors and ask them how pretty she is.
Mute Icon
An item Teto acquired from a dice that spawned after hitting a judge with their gavel. Just like its usage in voice chat, you can silence someone from talking, although I don’t think it went as far as shaving off their facial features.
Flying Saucer
Alien SynthV Teto’s main method of transportation before getting separated by it after she crash landed on a crewmate spaceship. It can withstand multiple asteroids and apparently has an auto-pilot, but it’s a one-seat vehicle so you have to hitch a ride.
Kitchen Knife
It is a knife usually found in kitchens but now in the funny Danganronpa color.
Boxing Glove
In “Sandbag” Teto and Otomachi Una are depicted as a boxer and a trainer, respectively. While Teto is eager to test the boundaries in their relationship, she just constantly whiffs her attacks.
Pocket Watch
With her already impressive mental fortitude, it’s no surprise that Teto is an expert hypnotist with her very own stop watch. She uses this on Miku to make her an obedient follower, manipulating her into swatting away any rumor of T’s falsehood and assuring her that she’s totally sane in doing so. But above all else, Teto is capable of convincing Miku of inflicting bodily harm to herself, like drinking a poison or selling her soul. It’s even implied she was capable of making Miku murder others on her behalf.
Ice Cream
Yes. Those are the real backrooms. Don’t eat this. Even if it looks really good.
Stop Watch
It pauses time. In this case, the whole video. Might be inconvenient for a Death Battle…
Flying Carpet
There she flies.
Adachi Rei’s Heart
A heartfelt gift (literally) from Rei before she perishes, turning the hunted into the hunter. This essentially fuses Teto’s and Rei’s bodies together, creating a cyborg chimera amalgamate, complete with an iron tail, giving her the strength to maul a person.
Baguette Train
A specialized vehicle driven by Heavy Teto and Kasane ndo. This baby can function without the need of a rail like any normal locomotive does. It might be because it’s partially a rocket meant to send everyone straight into outer space. It’s even equipped with a mounted gatling gun that shoots- of course- baguettes.
Mech
A giant robot made out of three components based on its pilot; Teto, Zundamon and Miku. It was kept under their school and would emerge to the surface to befriend a rampaging kaiju. CHANGE TETTOR, 1, 2, 3! SWITCH ON!! (FLASH WARING)
Space Arena
What’s a DIVA without her concert? Shared by the Cryptonloids (and DLC), Teto has access to a large Space Arena in outer space. This Space Arena is so highly advanced that it could make a wormhole to transport a small plane.
Futuristic Motorcycle
Within the narrative of isolating herself in a different world, Teto is in a desperate search for someone that contacted her in another world with. Though she came prepared with a hefty vehicle, this handy vehicle is able to construct new roads and dimension travel to different worlds, like the “Soundless World”, and the world where she received the signal from.
Immortality Potion
To escape the inevitable horror of aging and death, Teto invented this elixir to be shared to the public. Unfortunately this quickly backfired when a nuclear war broke out that left the population starving and suffocating, not dying though physically speaking, since it doesn’t protect their psyche from breaking and even when their bodies have been pulverized into dust, their heartbeat continues. which might as well call them a corpse at this point.
Suicide Potion
There’s no other way to sugar coat this... Teto literally created this to put herself out of her own misery, which meant canceling out her own immortality. Please don't do the same and call 911, 211. 988 or any other suicide crisis lines in case you need help.
Pocket Candy
In the song “Doomer” an abstract representation of Teto would subtly influence a normie loser to suckle on a piece of unassuming candy, only for him to go into a psychedelic trance and start emoting. This relaxing feeling is so soothing that it completely detaches him from the harsh reality of a meteor hitting the Earth and killing him.
Retry Eye
As the singer of “Kaze to Nare” (風となれ), a winning submission for a “CoroCoro x VocaColle” music project, here Teto possess a mini time machine surgically implanted into her right eye hidden under an eyepatch. Dubbed the “Retry Eye” this lets Teto rewind time as many times as she wants, it generally functions similar to a reset option in a video game, basically looping you back to your starting position or moments before with all your wounds patched up. While the mileage is different from person to person depending on the severity of the situation before suffering mental and physical drawback, inorganic life forms such as Lemon, while already created specifically to endure the harshest mission, could abuse this ability indefinitely.
Happiness Cake
Teto bakes herself a happiness cake! How does she do this? She literally just bakes Happiness itsel into the cake. Take that as you will.
Animal Button
She possesses a button that can spawn either a crab, shrimp or turtle. This is absolutely imperative to the fight.
Twin Power
In order to save earth from the oncoming Butter Planet, Teto and her buddies venture out to a temple to retrieve this relatively small artifact. While only serving a singular function she's capable of manifesting a drill (or even turning someone into one) that, when combined, would form a “Giga Drill Break/Getter Drill” capable of destroying said celestial body.
Drill
Fashioned either after the drill that pierced the heavens or the believers of Getter, this is a gift given to Teto by God after she reincarnates into another world. While expecting it to be quite useless, the power it holds is nothing to scoff at. A few of the move she has includes:
- Drill Punch
- Drill Kick
- Drill Chop
- Drill Impact - visualized as a power drill
- Drill Fire - inflicts burn damage
- Drill Thunder - inflicts paralysis
- Drill Beam
- Drill Machine Gun - visualized as an uzi
After she gained the true form of her drill to show that her journey thus far are indeed real, she has access to a few but powerful magic,
- Drill Fire Punch
- Drill Thunder Kick
- Drill Super-Ultra-Final Double Tornado!! - an “ultimate magic” that summons two gigantic tornadoes bigger than earth itself, even filling the space around it.
Mesmerizer Fangame Items
Weapon
Armor
Charm
Food
Accordion
Mfw there’s no meme category
Miscellaneous Items
Flying Nyan Nimbus: After being sent to China by an evil nyan storm, Teto travelled around the Great Wall of China and met a wise elderly man who gave Teto her own personal flying nimbus to travel to the Taj Mahal. Maybe she will meet a kid with a monkey tail one day...
Sailing Ship: As seen in the song “Do Not Tap” Teto has a pirate ship that she uses to sail the seas. Pretty fucking cool.
Bow & Arrow: love is in the air and comes in many languages.
Gavel: When someone is trying to be the judge of a debate, just hit’em with your hammer to knock them out.
Alien Juice: A favorite for the extraterrestrial, though apparently this rainbow liquid is poisonous to humans
Hand Puppet: A puppet with a mind of her own that spouts lies and proclaims herself to be god, deceiving anyone that puts faith in her and throws out every lie they have that isn’t hers. She doesn’t really give any combat benefit other than moral support I guess.
Kendama: A gift given by her father the day of his murder. To quell her loneliness, Teto sought after the culprit and delivered karmic justice using that very toy.
Fire Extinguisher: To help a bullied student stand up for himself through her own deranged way, she took a fire extinguisher from its place and swung it around without dismay.
Molotov Cocktail: Another dangerous example, here Teto made herself a couple of molotov cocktails as an act of anarchy to the world, settling debate with violence.
Weird Al Yankovic
Accordion
Al’s pride and joy. This free-reed aerophone has been with Al for as long as we can remember, and while It’s typically used to put on a good show, It’s not without its use in a fight either, as Al has been able to use it as a gun, a flamethrower, and even a grappling hook.
Platinum Album Medallions
After becoming the most successful musician in the world, Al became a quintuple platinum album big time superstar. On top of the fashion statement, these medallions are strong enough to cut through a human skull and durable enough to protect him from bullets.
Tin Foil Hat
Good for blocking out mental attacks. Not so good for looking like a normal person.
Knife
Good for checking if things are real or cake. As well as stabbing annoying bosses to death, though that did bend the point of it.
Sword
I’d question where he got that, but if you were a mystical sword waiting for a hero and Weird Al showed up, you’d definitely let him use you.
Crowbar
If you’re upset at people mixing up what’s figurative and literal, you can use this to literally beat some sense into them. Robins, beware!
Chainsaw
Seen in the music video for “Like A Surgeon”, Al uses a chainsaw on a patient. Hey, it is his first time. Realistically it should also be his last. He also used it to cut off the arms and legs of his buddy Marty due to misunderstanding a sarcastic remark.
Viking Helmet & Stomping Shoes
Make sure to get these out every year when Weasel Stomping Day rolls around! Don't worry about the moral implications of killing innocent animals, it's tradition!
Exploding arrows
And you thought we were done with Rambo, huh?
Guns
Al is no stranger to exercising his second amendment right to bear arms as in the song “Trigger Happy”, he’s shown to have a fondness for almost anything and everything under the armory sun, from AK-47’s and Uzi’s to Rifles, Magnums, and Semi-Automatics with Laser Sight. He’s also used Tommy Guns to ruin parties and has even successfully stolen machine guns from soldiers. He also has a comically large machine gun that he’s somehow able to surf on.
Flamethrower
Useful for getting over breakups in healthy and constructive ways.
Explosives
Al’s a bit of a demolitions expert as well as he’s carried explosives powerful enough to demolish an entire building. He’s also used dynamite to blow up the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in order to make room for 20 more portraits of himself, and blew up a bunch of buildings in a recreation of the ending of Fight Club.
Game Items
From this Super Gaming Secret video discussing a totally real video game Al starred in, we can see he’s got a variety of other equipment he definitely used.
- Extra Lives - We can see in the level transitions that he gets access to them
- Eat It Projectiles - He can toss Spam and Tuna Casserole which can make enemies so fat they explode
- Rambo Al Weapons - He can use a machine gun and a bow to take on enemies in a manner suspiciously like Contra. Rambo will never go away. Embrace him.
- Hammer - Can be used to crush annoying TV executives.
- Magic Garden Shears - Can be tossed to deal with an evil mustache that comes to life
- Car - Used for getting away from the police
- Post Apocalyptic Accordion - Can fire energy blasts and summon lightning
Hardware Store Tools
Al was so enthusiastic over this stuff man you have no idea.
CIA Weapons
During his time at the CIA, Al used these items to make sure that the American public can wake up with a smile on their faces and say Good Morning USA.
- Pistol - Equipped with a silencer and a laser sight
- Sniper rifle - Used to terminate some head of state who wasn’t even on his list
- Chloroform - Used to knock out a clueless criminal
- Handcuffs - I think you know what handcuffs do
- Cyanide pills - oh no 😮
Clarksman Never Spin Bow Tie
To prevent the common and embarrassing situation of your bow tie spinning when you see an attractive woman, you can wear this contraption. Based on NASA technology, this counters the rotation with powerful jet turbines powered by 16 AA batteries. Though it does seem to have some design kinks.
Time Machine
Invented by modifying an alarm clock, Al can use it to travel back in time to whatever time he sets, though it is prone to send him back way further than intended every now and again.
X-Ray Spray
Near the start of the Weird Al show, Al invented a spray that would make everything look like it was under an X-Ray.
Dump Truck
Al has his own personalized dump truck that he’s used to bury infected computers, which contains enough rocks to fill a 43 foot hole. I know what you are thinking, his ass is majestic too.
Space Station
Al has been shown to have a space station for whatever reason. It comes with a few space-suits and a couple of satellites and functions like any regular space station would.
Helicopter
Al was shown to be in control of a helicopter which then sends an explosive towards a roman colosseum.
Instant Plastic Surgery
For whatever reason Al decided he wanted to change his look to be like Drew Carey. Weird but I guess he’s just keeping the status quo.
Mecha Al
Al has a giant mechanical version of himself that’s able to shoot giant hot dogs out from its stomach hole. You might be thinking to yourself “that’s pretty weird”, and you’d be right.
Inflatable Rubber-Duckie
With a touch of his belt, Al is able to activate this funny lil ducky to help out in water-based emergencies.
The One Ring
Al uh doesn’t really do anything with it but hey isn’t that pretty cool???
Anti-Virus CDs
These nifty little tools are Al’s only defense against the viruses in the Virus Alert 3D video game. They’re able to delete their data on contact and he can rapidfire ‘em like a Mega Man weapon. He does have a limited amount, however, and they can be stolen from him by the viruses themselves when he is damaged. But luckily for Al, these CDs also provide him with a shield, which protects him and other computers from the effects of the virus.
Barnyard Items
In Al’s rather infamous appearance in Back to the Barnyard, he’s seen pulling out quite a few rather ridiculous items such as rubber chicken nunchucks, bagpipes, a giant clam, and even a whole ostrich.
Polka Collab Items
Five years ago, over fourteen artists decided to create an animated collab video for Weird Al’s song titled Now That’s What I Call Polka. As Al really loves his fans, he officially recognized the collab and even hired one of the animators for an official music video. So It was considered useable by everyone behind the scenes and this is pretty helpful too as It gives him some pretty nifty items; such as:
- A large mallet he used to smack a wrecking ball
- Samus’ helmet and arm cannon which can fire out an energy sphere
- A powerful magnet capable of pulling people over
- A jar of poison
- A magician’s hat which can suck him in and take him to a new location
- Thanos’ Infinity Gauntlet of all things (just for show, though, calm down (buuuuuuuuut It’s still pretty awesome))
Miscellaneous Items
Beyond his typical tools, Al has a lot of miscellaneous items in his fun little bag of tricks and while they do make him have solid uses and are interesting in their own right, they’re also far less complicated than the rest of his kit and such are being grouped together here.
Hacksaw: It’s perfect for scaring innocent rodents
Ax: Al has an Ax! It’s probably pretty good at slashing
Segway: The best way to move around when you’re feeling white and nerdy.
Electrodes: Al has attached these to people’s brain for whatever reason.
The Weird Al Yankovic Ultimate Video Collection VHS: It’s a giant Weird Al compilation VHS tape that was able to burst up from the ground
Dental Floss: Al has used these to get a lil freaky and tie people up.
Bag of Tricks: What better way is there to carry around all of your trusty handyman equipment? He’s even able to pull himself out of it.
Boxing Gloves: Al has used these bad boys to punch down some pesky numbers.
Automatic Toe-Clipper: Al was able to use this bad boy to turn a child’s foot into a dino foot. I don’t know why he has this.
Banana Phone: Mmmmm Banana
Abilities
Kasane Teto
Vocal Synth “Physiology”
It’ll be long and a bit convoluted to explain their “physiology”, so buckle up! To start with, the real versions of Kasane Teto and Hatsune Miku are complex at first glance. They may function like your ordinary fictional character, but both of these two’s core are often regarded as a “Vocal Synthesizer” rather than their eccentric fictitious character; for those unaware, a vocal synthesizer is a real life virtual instrument music producers use to add vocals to their songs, vocal synthesizers would always have an associated human recorded “vocal bank” tied to their respective product, Saki Fujita produced Hatsune Miku’s vocal ban, whilst Teto’s was from Maya Omano. For Miku, her true self has always been stated as not only the real singing voice synthesizer but also the persona associated with the vocal synthesizer Hatsune Miku as an “abstract or derivative concept” as defined by Crypton Future Media’s licensing guidelines. Essentially making the Hatsune Miku design we all know and love into the vocal synthesizer’s avatar mascot. With Teto being a complete parody of Miku, her metafictional being mostly follows the same principles, as Teto’s character usage follows the same character guidelines as Miku. And she’s also often referred to at her core as a Vocal Synth too, specifically a VIPPERloid; a free to use alternative software to VOCALOID, and a SynthV; a modern alternative vocal synthesizer software to VOCALOID6 created by Dreamtonics. However, Teto came with the caveat of developing a character concept before the Vocal Synthesizer sense came along, making her true existence less meta than Miku’s.
With that said. Due to the character usage guidelines established for these two, the characters have a weird quality of being blank canvases that the Vocal Synth community can freely paint as they please (this has also sparked the old debate within the VOCALOID community: “Every Miku is canon”). Despite Miku’s character being conceptually labeled in an interview as a “Virtual Diva that came from the future”, some music videos from Miku Producers wouldn’t insert this concept to their MVs (Music Video) narrative, like PinnochioP’s Common World Domination, Playing Immortal, DECO*27’s Ghost Rule, Salamander, Zombies, Vampire, NAKISO’s Retry Now, etc. Though, there are some Music Videos that do incorporate her character concept into its MV’s story such as sasakure.UK’s Hello, Planet, Cosmo@bousou-P’s The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku, Machigareta-P’s Disruptive Diva, etc.
Teto herself is no stranger to this Vocal Synth Dilemma either, some music videos from various Teto producers stray further away from Teto's character concept, like ぴーな た's Acute Love Addiction; a song where Teto's whole being resides within someone's computer, and nwp8861's Song of the Eared Robot; although not said explicitly, the little robot fella is supposed to represent Teto's meta existence of being a program for UTAU. WIth that said, it wouldn't change the fact that Kasane Teto herself would always be labeled as a Chimera by her official description, leading to her…
Chimera Physiology
Teto originally came into existence as just an April Fools concept, born from millions of curious souls that would eventually form her body; they then gave her her own soul and a voice, leading to her official iteration as an UTAU. This was reiterated again in the prologue to her 15th Anniversary where the constant influx of music, illustration, and adoration by thousands of hearts is what made her alive. Visually speaking, this is represented by specks of particle with Teto initially having one that symbolize her lie and then came another symbolizing her voice, that’s basically the core of her existence and it will shine brighter the more content made about her which attract million more particles that represent the audience, thus creating her physical form. The jury is still out whether or not it’s the literal fans or the collective idea of them. But the bottom line is, Teto isn’t really brought down by the cons of various different bodies including a digital one that you might expect like Miku, as she’s capable of shifting between various forms on the fly both into living beings, such as a kitsune, a plush, other vocaloids, or even an alien, and inanimate objects depicted in various art styles. In essence, these are the same Teto at the roots. Additionally, she’s also shown minor toon-force as she’s generally very squishy and stretchy.
Existence Erasure
To fulfill their savior complex, a Gnosia infectee like Teto is given the ability to erase people from existence by a simple hand touch, although direct contact is not really needed as they can envelop an entire room with a colorful glow that bypasses solid objects. Victims that were in the process of getting eliminated will have their skin swell up, peel back, and pop away like a bubble. While it IS a simple hand touch in a warp, this existence erasure actually requires an incredible amount of complex calculations to use outside of it, and while some like Kukrushka did, it’s still very hard to pull off. That said, in addition, if a situation becomes dangerous, Teto is able to conjure a rainbow light ball within her body to defend herself. This ball not only has the property of creating stars, multiple planets and another version of herself, but It is said it can erase someone’s existence if they’re engulfed by the ball and the ball winks out.
Reality Warping
Determining what is and isn’t just a cool transition is rather difficult for Vocaloid music videos and alike due to the creative freedom the artist had in conveying the meaning of the song, but we do find a few instances where Teto is the one that messes with reality instead which includes but not limited to;
Alteration: One of the most common ways for Teto to spice up a song is to briefly turn the format into a video game reference with appropriate UI and art. Other methods when tampering with a scene include turning everything into monochrome, turning the sky into a white ceiling with a drill pattern, manifesting a full-fledged graveyard, turning her entire body pitch black except for her eyes and mouth, converting outer space to a movie set and glitching an object’s color akin to a bluescreen. Drill Super-Ultra-Final Double Tornado!! Specifically can even reduce the whole world into a white void and turn Rin and Len into drills themselves.
Creation: Having props to interact with is on the fancier side in most MVs but when Teto need it the most she can summon them at will, we see her bring forth an arm chair to catch her fall, painted a shooting star into reality, make layers of chains appear, create long winded staircase that leads to a door with nothing behind, overwhelm your vision with a bunch of objects on-screen and summons a baguette meteor that devastate a chunk of a city.
Minor 4th Wall-breaking & Toon Force: a more miniscule use of her reality warping power is applying silliness to her overall action, like wiggling a flatline to the beat of the music, opening her chest like a cabinet, bringing the color back to an astronaut, having her reflection move on its own, as well as having the ability to not fall as long as she’s not looking. She also has the tendency to break the screen unprompted.
Resurrection
In “Uso no Utahime” she, along with all the props and effort that made her an effective troll, were all burnt down to make way for another joke the next year. Despite the harsh treatment, a little encouragement from a certain blue-haired diva would ignite her will to live so much that she embraces the heart of an UTAU which records the voice of her own soul that lets her revive from the ashes as an all new Kasane Teto. In Project Diva F 2nd’s Kagerou Daze, Teto pulls a Subaru Natsuki, she’s able to resurrect back at a certain point in time if she’s ever to be killed.
Flight
Most likely a byproduct of her chimera DNA, Teto can sprout a pair of bat, angel, or plant wings to fly with relative expertise, able to pick up Rin by her leg and dangling her in the air. Teto also has other ways to fly, such as a magical feather. Even if you were to snip them off like Icarus, Teto can give up her life and give her wings to another Teto.
Bodily Weaponry
Ulthar Hitogui (｢ヒトグイ､) When hunger consumed her, she wouldn’t hesitate to use her own teeth and nails to attack her target. While her teeth are relatively ordinary, Teto’s hands and feet are a lot more monstrous, with big meaty claw to emphasize the literal definition of a chimera, or y’know they can also be a pair of cute cat paws.
Hair Manipulation
It’s in the name of her doujin circle, of course there’s something special about those cornets! Luckily, the extent of that is shown in “Ultra Trailer” where she uses her hair for all sort of ridiculous action, like forming a gauntlet, creating a huge spiral, unfurled them like a sash (as seen above), doing a cartwheel, using it as a stilts and a spinning top and more. Even treating it as an extra body part with hands that wrap around multiple people, or a few sets of extra mouths if you’re into body horror. She can also individually switch her drills into different shapes and material, and yes, this can be applied to every part of her hair, composed of different objects. Lastly is her second form that FINALLY uses her hair like an actual drill… if someone calls them as such. In a normal situation she can instinctively spin it when in a confident mood. Oh and she has a drill on her ass... probably in homage to Astro Boy.
Duplication
Teto has shown multiple instances of duplicating into multiple versions of herself. Like in the song Liar Dancer, she creates copies of herself to join her in the dance before converging into one. They are no mere back-up dancers however as they are distinct enough from one another to be able to cooperate under one objective. In fact, she proclaims that as long as there’s a copy to replace her, she’s practically immortal, which was strengthened in the song “Kouhaku Kaiten The Frostburn” (紅白回転 ダ・フラスバーン) where a whole city is inhabited by her derivatives.
Regeneration
Within a fraction of a second, she can regenerate the surface of her body being melted, but her regen should be far more potent than that. As shown in an alternate ending of The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku, instead of succumbing to being erased, Teto wills herself out and reconstructs her entire body within seconds, the narration stating it going as far as her information remains, it’s not a one-time thing too, as Teto is capable of leaving her own physical body behind and construct an entirely new one in Project Diva’s ODD & ENDS.
Immortality
Stated in the lyrics of Project DIVA’s The Intense Voice of Hatsune Miku, “As long as there’s one person to give and to receive their words”, these virtual singers will still live on. Additionally, Teto has shown quite a lot of resilience in various MVs. She’s fine carrying her own severed head, having holes where her heart and stomach should be, having half her torso decomposing down to literal bones, having her legs detached from her body, and has even come back from her heart being damaged/removed on a few occasions. She can’t be drowned either as she can breathe underwater without a problem.
Size Alteration
Teto’s flexibility in adjusting her size lets her do anything she wants, like running through multiple buildings and holding Earth in one hand as a giant or being smaller than a puppy which is enough to protect the inside of her own head. Also don’t immediately assume she can only do this to herself or else you wind up at her dinner plate.
Fusionism
Are you a celestial body looking to be fused with? Well if you are then Teto has got you covered as she’s previously met the merge-based demands of famous clientele such as everyone’s favorite: The Sun and The Earth. Also, this canonizes Pearto. Cry about it.
Teleportation
This Chimera’s Teleportation comes with many unique uses, Teto’s able to teleport away from a dimension she was sealed in, teleport herself and actual spirits (yokai) away, or even teleport to other parts of the world, and for a more efficient usage, teleport a short distance to avoid attacks.
Time Manipulation
Apparently in the year 2039, time travel and Santa Claus is possible and a future version of Teto uses this opportunity to meet her younger self and appoint her as Secret Santa. Even at that age she could stop time, and when her heart stopped beating, time froze. She’s also capable of slowing down time as well.
Immersion
There’s been multiple songs depicting Teto interacting with various programs or softwares inside the electronic itself to the point of jumping out of the screen and into the physical world (albeit smaller than everyone). She’s also been shown to manipulate previously uploaded songs to match the lip synching of her current song. This isn’t limited to digital devices as she can talk through her funeral photo and move as a sketch on a paper.
Technology Manipulation
Whether by glitching the screen, creating several minimize windows, creating a fake ad to gaslight you, or resetting a game world into a black void, Teto is a menace behind the screen. Since she can become code, hacking a website to display her image, faking a phone call, or fabricating purchase history is as easy as breaching a database and hijacking a fighter jet.
Energy Projection
Creates energy blasts ooooo wooowwww owieeee owwww
Telekinesis
With a broken love in mind, Teto can shatter a huge wall in a fit of rage. In a smaller scale situation, she can decapitate someone without lifting a finger or shoot herself in the head with an invisible force.
Firebreathing
In the songs titled “Chimera Theatre” and “Cirque du Mirage”, Teto unleashes her chimeric powers in the theatre and starts breathing fire as part of her act. It’s even able to clash evenly with Miku’s flamethrower. Also she can channel her inner Dhalsim to perform Yoga Fire as well as replicating his elasticity and levitation.
Storm Manipulation
In the aptly named song “RAIJIN” Teto unleashes the power of the God of thunder to express her emotional turmoil seemingly for being killed. This raging storm comes with heavy wind, crackling thunder, and ice cold rain that she can control the droplet’s speed, this deadly combo is even strong enough to sink a hut and tear through a dam.
Tear Manipulation
Everyone’s had stressful days at work and sometimes you need to let out a couple tears afterwards. Well Teto has taken this one step further as she was able to FLOOD an entire restaurant with her tears. Poor girl, hope she’s doing better now.
Sound Manipulation
What’s a diva without being able to weaponize their voice? While this instance in “Mis-Take RPG” reveals that it’s all just an exaggeration of Teto’s fear of letting her friend down, supporting MVs such as PROJECT DIVA’s Tokyo Teddy Bear; her voices causes a really small vortex , and “Ambassador”, where she shouts into a megaphone to distort the scenery, makes it clear that it can be more than a melody. With that said, the aforementioned “Mis-Take RPG” also gave us an idea that the lyrics itself can be weaponized and it gave Teto different forms of attack depending on the word spoken. In that context, it also directly attacks Miku’s emotion, decreasing her love but also using up Teto’s “Mental” meter. These phrases are:
- だめ (No) - sends out a huge energy blast reminiscent to a kamehameha
- ごめんね (I’m Sorry) - drops each kanji from above that explodes on impact
- できない (I can’t) - dish out a flurry of slashes
- 無理だって (It’s impossible) - each kanji indicate the location of the lightning strike, ending with a unison hit
Scab
A rather weird form of disease spreading. Taken after the same common contagion that affected plant, the aptly named “Scab Eclipse” takes the form of homogenous mass of black goo, that, while not naturally belongs to Teto (though it is implied she created it) is something she can control and pass it to her copies. How it works essentially is that she’s rotting her from inside out by seeping it into her body, letting her delay the decaying process, to the point where it practically looks unnoticeable from the outside, or accelerate it in a short timeframe. It works on all biological beings, even non-sentient ones, for example an apple!
Transmutation
In her own spin on the Cinderella story, Teto was not only given a fancy dress and the glass slippers, but also the fairy’s magic which let her maintain her desired image, including her carriage that was transformed from a rotten pumpkin and her horse transformed from her pet cat. Other notable magical tricks include turning a coin into butterflies, changing her daughter‘s clothes into a dress, an ace of hearts into a carrot treat and a tulip into a jack of hearts.
Illusion Creation
To get the family back together, Teto disguises herself as her daughter Flower and stabs the sorcerer that had ruined her life at a moment's notice. More nefariously, she can cast this illusion to fool people into becoming her sacrifice, leading people to a wonderland gateway to disguise a dingy chamber. I guess she’s not far off from being a witch afterall.
Sealing
In the final encore of her performance, it is strongly suggested that the way she reduces the crowd of sacrifices is to throw them into a pentagram that bathes them in candlelight which then strips their flesh and soul, leaving only bones. This “eternal paradise” they ended up in is basically a pocket dimension, smaller than Teto herself as seen above which she can freely go in and out of without suffering the same fate. Additionally, within the Sadistic.Music∞Factory, Teto is able to seal you in a completely different world.
Mind Manipulation
In another instance of a “Teto forming a cult” song, we see that, instead of relying on her charisma and a tool to get people in line, she uses the tried and true method of mind control by looking directly into her spiral eyes.
Non-Physical Interaction
Don’t you want to boogie with your shadow after a long day of hard work? Well Teto can and you can’t.
Cry about it.
Wish Manipulation
In the song Whisper, Teto prays towards the stars for something good to happen, while we don't see any wishes actually fulfilled in the song, we do visibly see the stars which she’s praying on glow in the background and appear as she makes the wish, there isn’t any evidence on what this ACTUALLY does, but it’s important to note. In DIVA’s iteration, Teto is able to grant the green forest’s wish to revert back to its lifeful self with her sheer voice.
Paint Manipulation
Tomorrow may be blank as a canvas but it’s important to keep moving forward. Take a step one at a time, it doesn’t have to be flashy, just as long you leave a trail behind.
Stamina Recovery
If you think about it that make sense, she does have thousands of songs under her belt so it’s only convenient that she has a way to recover her stamina
Mesmerizer Fangame Abilities
Surprisingly enough, Mesmerizer actually has its own RPG-like game made by Atena! While you might be skeptical of its legitimacy, 32ki, the producer of Mesmerizer, actually acknowledges the game in a recent tweet as a token of appreciation for Atena who atm is working together for another song called “Special Relief Committee” in which Atena quote tweeted back with a gratitude, ending with Twindrill retweeting Atena’s reply for a seal of approval. With that being said, Teto has gained a lot of interesting moves in her adventure to reunite the Triple Bakas back together.
Resistances
- Mind Control: In the ever famous “Mesmerizer”, we see Teto resisting the effect of a swinging pendulum, as opposed to Miku who submitted immediately. The attempt took several days before it halted the progress and proceeded to the next section, with Teto faking her hypnotism till the end before ultimately failing.
- Time Manipulation: Due to their connection to Gnos, Gnosia are able to move freely during a warp, which suspends any and all crewmates in time to ensure a successful travel through a method known as Schrimpf transfer. It is implied that you are moving at an FTL speed due to needing just one night to travel from solar system to solar system. Being a Rewinder also prevented Teto from losing her memory of the previous attempt. In DIVA, Teto is also capable of moving in timestop.
- Substances: We’re starting to get worried about her well-being, not only is she begging to be put on anesthesia and filling her head with… disinfectant? She has a serious problem in breathing cadmium and overdosing on Calonal, Ibuprofen, and Loxonin. Yet for some reason she doesn’t suffer the dangerous side effects other than maybe insomnia and headache. She can also nonchalantly be both underwater and the vacuum of space.
- Extreme Temperatures: Teto is a big fan of curry, while she might have a hand in curating the spiciness as she cooks it herself, she does hugely prefer it to be a lot more spicy and sweet than usual as implied with the fire in the background. Teto also likes to walk around in the vacuum of space
- Gravity (Small degree): In the song called “Zero Gravity” 🫢 it strongly hinted that the moon gravitational force has been tampered, which likely it what caused the world to be flooded. This is shown with how random object like this fuck ass key are randomly floating across the city. With her seemingly being unaffected by her surroundings and her keep stating that she is “defying gravity”, it is safe to assume that she has some resistance to it.
Weird Al Yankovic
Reality Warping
Al has shown plenty of times that he has the ability to make the world around him just as weird as he is. It’s easily his bread and butter ability and as such, he’s used it more times than you can shake a slice of bologna at. So we will be organizing this section into chucks in order to more effectively convey the different ways that It’s typically used. A lot of his other abilities can also be filed as examples of this, but we’ll be discussing them as this blog goes on.
Creation: With his powerful imagination, Al’s able to create almost anything such as create a door to a world inside of his head containing another Al and a bunch of Yeti’s, a polka-dot themed paint pattern on his skin, and even singing dollar bills.
Alteration: As mentioned before, Al has been able to make it incredibly apart that It’s his weird and we’re all living in it as he’s able to mess with reality like a bunch of silly putty. Sometimes literally even with how he molded his face into clay. Additionally, he’s been able to brighten the mood by transitioning everything to color and even mess around with the colors in the background, make the background turn into handyman appropriate materials such as stones tiles and bricks, and even make a diagram on a screen actually go inside of the areas of the brain.
Medium Manipulation: When he’s feeling like getting a little more abstract and fundamental with it, Al showcases how he can change the animation style to jumpscare someone and even entirely change the medium of his show.
Dream Manipulation / BFR
Al has showcased the strange ability to transport people into their dreams from within them.
Transmutation
One day when trying to explain the intricacies of the human brain, Al was able to make a professor transform into various animals including a cow, a penguin, an owl, and even a floating whale with only a snap of his fingers. He’s also been able to replace Fred Flinstone’s mouth with his own.
Sound Manipulation
As a prominent musician, Al needs to use his voice almost all of the time and as you might expect; he’s found a fair share of more unique ways to use it. As he’s been able to use it to summon forest critters to his aid, project his singing through others, and even make his own head blow up by singing a high enough note.
Immortality
Just like his career, Al’s physical body can endure just fine no matter what’s thrown at it as he’s been able to survive getting disemboweled by dinosaurs, having all of his internal organs sucked out, having his eyes expand outward and explode, having his head fall straight off and even being chopped up into pieces to the point where his dad played frisbee with his brain. Additionally, he was just fine after ripping both his brain and heart out of himself, was fine doing brain surgery on himself, and survived having his head explode 3 different times. There’s also the time his brain just left his body to go have a night on the town that he literally slept through. Even death itself will not be enough to claim him as Al has been able to survive as a skeleton and come back as both a zombie and a ghost. Aging doesn’t seem viable either, as Al has been around since the caveman times. Neither does being deprived of oxygen as Al has been able to survive just fine both underwater and in space.
Regeneration
On a similar note, Al has been able to bounce back from any amount of damage in a relatively short amount of time as he’s been able to reattach his head after it was ripped off as well as regenerate his head after it exploded and was even able to regenerate his entire physical body after being reduced to a skeleton and then a ghost by an explosion. He also recovered from various deadly injuries after a breakup, his partner trying to kill him in various ways, and a bunch of self-inflicted injuries he got after another breakup.
Hammerspace
Since he’s pretty much just a live action cartoon character, Al of course has one of their most iconic abilities in hammerspace as he can pull pretty much anything out of thin air.
Hair Manipulation
He’s also been able to morph his hair around, which can be done to fight people with quick slapping motions, as well as grow absurd amounts of it and take it off his head to give to sad bald guys. His facial hair is also sentient and can randomly grow out of his control.
Size Manipulation
To help advertise his concerts being bigger and weirder than ever, Al showed these adjectives also applied to himself, as he could grow in size to the point of picking up subway trains and tipping over skyscrapers. He’s even been able to grow big enough to grab the entire planet and spray paint words on it, as well as shrink himself to the point of coming out of his nose or inside a human brain. Weirdly enough, Al’s size manipulation isn’t limited to just himself as he’s been able to shrink other people.
Shapeshifting
Similarly to his size, Al is able to freely change his shape as well. He’s been able to stretch his mouth big enough to consume a lady and grow extra arms. He can give himself cat-like eyes, turn his eyes into mouths, spin his head around a whole 360 degrees, turn his head into several different animals and objects, and just do the weirdest stretches. He’s also morphed his body to turn into Billie Eilish, a fat version of himself, a dragon ball-esque design to shoot money out of his hands, Gollum from Middle Earth, ET, Yoda, a giant X, and even the sun, among other things.
Duplication
When you need a backup singer, who’s a better option than yourself? This is one of Al’s most commonly used abilities and there doesn’t seem to be a limitation as to how many he can create as while sometimes he only needs one to three, he’s made way more on other occasions with the most we’ve seen on-screen being around 45 which would be consistent with him creating enough to fill up a venue.
Projection
In a fruitless quest for knowledge, Al discovered how to perform Astral Projection, severing his soul from his body after a bit of set up. He’s also used it to provide encouragement to Floyd Pepper from The Muppets. Additionally, he was able to project his flashbacks.
Broadway Force
Dread it, run from it, no matter what you chose to do; Weird Al will make you dance.
Flight
Al has been able to fly on numerous occasions, but some showings are unfortunately more impressive than others.
Teleportation
Fitting for a musical artist who tours around the world, Al can teleport himself from place to place whenever he pleases. Al’s teleportation can even go beyond the range of the earth itself as he’s been able to teleport to his space station at a moment’s notice.
Summoning
In multiple music videos Al has showcased the ability to summon a bunch of random things ranging from people to animals to inanimate objects. Whatever the situation calls for really, even if it’s an entire infomercial set, complete with hosts and an audience. Finally, in the show Close Enough, it’s revealed that Al summons a demon to help him write his songs.
Telekinesis
He has shown himself to be a user of the Force by summoning a guitar to his side and choking annoying assistants, as well as using ESP to play a guitar. He also used it here to float a mysterious orb, which was definitely not a ladle hidden by perspective.
Hypnotism
To make sure you know what channel Sundance TV is on, Al can hypnotize you to make sure that channel number is your new favorite number.
Elemental Manipulation
Al is as much a master of the elements as he is a master of music, as he’s been able to shoot lightning out of his fingertips to advertise his self-indulgent ill-advised vanity tour and even shape it into letters. Al has also been seen summoning perpetual gusts of wind when singing and manipulating tornadoes.
Time Manipulation
Al’s no stranger to breaking the laws of space and time as he’s been able to briefly rewind time on multiple occasions. Additionally, according to the reliable source that is Pig from Back at the Barnyard, Al has the ability to time travel. He showed this off a few times, like randomly showing up at the time of the Pilgrims.
Future Sight
Most artists wish that they could see the future, and luckily for Al; he can! He’s had premonitions about Anakin becoming Vader someday later and seeing your future based on your horoscope.
Text Manipulation
He’s been shown to be able to edit texts, whether that be spawning text on a sign, creating moving complex math equations on a chalk board, or seemingly summoning various subtitles of locations he’ll have a concert at.
Technology Manipulation
During his advertisement of the UHF channel, Al was able to make the tv cut to static for a screen transition and even make it go fast enough to cause the actual tv to just explode for some reason. Additionally, he’s also been able to control what was being shown on a tv set which he used to change the lighting and talk about the illuminati. This ability can even be used via a simple stare as he was able to use one to turn red traffic lights green.
Immersion
In real life Al is known for jumping straight into different musical worlds, and he’s capable of accomplishing the same thing in his music videos, as he was able to enter the digital world, money, and even his very own books on numerous occasions.
Pancreas Manipulation
Al has a particularly odd pancreas as It’s been able to attract every other pancreas in the universe with a force (with a force) proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them. Oh, and it’s sentient sometimes.
Resistances
- Radiation : Was fine christmas caroling at ground zero of a nuclear bomb, despite his fellow carollers needing gas masks. Then again it could be a crazy fluke.
- Reality Warping : When a commercial announcer morphed reality to put him in a silly outfit, he was able to revert it with a snap.
- Extreme Temperatures : Isn’t particularly bothered by the chills of mountain heights, being locked in a fridge, the vacuum of space, lighting himself on fire, the horrors of Hot Ones, or even putting out a grease fire with his face. A lot of guys were jealous of him after that.
- Electricity: Al was relatively unharmed after electrocuting himself in the shower. Similarly, he wasn’t too shocked after having 60,000 volts of electricity flow through him.
- Virus Abilities: As mentioned before in his arsenal section, the Anti-Virus CDs provide Al a shield that protects him from any and all of the Computer Virus’ effects.
Forms
Kasane Teto
TETO☆TETO☆STAR
Irregular Man
As a way of accepting madness that deviates from society’s boring, linear way of life, Teto transformed into weirdness incarnate. True to his name, his abilities are a bit… unorthodox, this form enhances his 4th wall breaking shown by his penchant of, well breaking down walls that are not even there. Another notable thing is his ability to create text but more importantly changing the trajectory of an object he interacted on a whim, from a golf ball to music notes that are indicated by its red coloring. Even his hair can be used as a piece of projectile that travels through photos, windows, screens, glasses, manga panels, and many other methods used for framing like a hand all while homing at someone to hit them at a sudden sharp turn. If it were to stop in its tracks however, Irregular Man can just conjure another one from a fresh pool of blood to keep the ball rolling before eventually multiplying to put holes on the wall.
Tetoman Taro
The magic of ✨️MMD✨️ gave Teto the transformation device of one Kotaro Higashi, better known as Ultraman Taro. In this form, Teto has been able to replicate abilities such as his signature Strium Beam and the devastating Ultra Dynamite that she uses on the poor Tyrant, which is somehow more powerful than the original. Shuwatch!!
Robo-Teto
When she’s feeling like becoming a little bit more robotic, Teto can turn into this fully mechanical form which has more than a few tricks up its grey metal sleeves. You see those white spheres at the end of her.. hair ears? Well regardless of what they are, the spheres can open up to form giant claws. Additionally, she gains a new method of flight thanks to her jet feet and a pretty cool sword.
Weird Al Yankovic
Fat Al
Whenever Al feels like it, he can grow immensely in mass in order to become the king of cellulite: Fat Al. He’s not one to underestimate in this form as he can casually crack pavement, cause earthquakes measurable on the richter scale by simply walking around, and probably kill you by sitting on you. At its girthiest, Al can even create his own orbit. Also his shadow weighs 42 pounds, how does that work? That’s pretty “Weird” (wink wink nudge nudge). Though this form isn’t to be mistaken for…
Fatman
A cartoon in-universe, Fatman is the superhero alter ego of Weird Al, who transforms upon eating a jelly glazed donut. Fatman isn’t exactly soloing the Justice League though. He can fly and clearly has super strength, but what he has in generic hero powers he lacks in brains and logic. Honestly, the only times he stops a villain are on complete accident, and is often more motivated by whatever is tastier in the moment.
Fairy Al
In order to give his girlfriend whatever she liked, Al turned into a fairy and showcased some of his magical potential. In this form Al has showcased :
- Transmutation: He turned his girlfriend’s teeth into tater tots
- Biological Manipulation: He gave his girlfriend a magical liposuction
- Teleportation: He teleported his girlfriend into a walmart.
Soccer Mutant Al
After absorbing the talent of Zlatan Ibrahimovic (and presumably a few more footballers), Al transforms into this mutant… thing. Compared to Megan Rapinoe, Al did have full control over this form, which grants him toxic spit, a loud roar, enhanced senses, a physical boost and practically every ability, skill, or even physical power that he can steal. More on that later.
And, it’s weak to Whoopee Cushions. Weird.
Weird Owl
In a series of 5 Second Films, it was shown Al lived with an owl that he was often mistaken for, who ended up kidnapping his girlfriend. However it turned out Al himself was this owl all along. How does this work? That is an excellent question.
Support
Kasane Teto
Mesmerizer Miku
“Miku is not a robot; Miku is a Vocaloid!”
Hatsune Miku. The Voice of the future. THE Virtual diva. Everyone knows her and everyone loves her… but this isn’t your standard Miku. This is Mesmerizer Miku. An alternate hypnotized iteration of Miku who isn’t quite there due to said hypnotism. In the Mesmerizer RPG, she joins Teto as part of her party and she stays no matter what; even if she’s fighting herself. Additionally, she can swap places with Teto at least once per battle thanks to the baton pass.
She’s actually pretty helpful in battle too as she actually has quite a few useful moves such as:
Pokémon
What once was just another April Fool’s trick turned into reality with the upcoming concert, Teto has caught a few Pokemon of her own using a lure ball and premier ball. As you see above, her team is composed of a Sudowoodo and a Mimikyu, two mons known for their impersonation and yearn for love. There’s also Meloetta to match her rival Psychic Miku. In the Pokédex, it is said that Mimikyu is capable of making people instantly go into shock and die painfully upon seeing what’s underneath its rag. Furthermore, its Pokémon Shield Pokédex entry states that it gave a scientist who peeked underneath its rag a fatal disease that killed them. Teto’s Mimikyu should be capable of similar abilities. Meloletta, meanwhile, is capable of controlling and manipulating the emotions of those who hear its melodies according to the Pokédex. And Sudowoodo is here for emotional support :)
Yokai
Borrowing this sequence from best boy Kagamine Len, it only makes sense that the Chimera Virtual Idol would have a few Folklore Yokai on her side!
- Yuki-onna (雪女; the snow woman) - a snow woman that lives near the snowy mountains, or any place that has snow.
- Blue and Red Oni (鬼, demon) - Big brutes that are the soldiers of the underworld that punishes the wicked.
- Kappa (河童; the river-child) - Are aquatic reptilian humanoids that reside near bodies of water.
- Gashadokuro (がしゃどくろ; rattling skull) - Known as the starving skeleton, Gashadokuro is made up of the bones of hundreds of soldiers who are unable to pass on in the afterlife.
- Kasa Obake (唐傘小僧; paper umbrella) - Mythical ghost umbrellas that sneak up on people and lick them, their tongues are oiled up.
- Kitsune (狐; Fox) - Kitsunes are a highly intelligent and magical fox spirit
- Onibi (鬼火; demon fire) - Are blue flame orbs that usually appear around spring or summer months.
- Chochin Obake (提灯お化け; paper lantern ghost) - Similar to a Kasa Obake, Chochin Obakes are paper lanterns that only try to scare off humans and laugh afterwards.
- Nurarihyon (滑瓢, The Slippery Gourd) - Considered to be the kaibutsu no oyadama (supreme leader) of the yokai.
- Nurikabe (塗壁; painted wall) - An invisible yokai wall that usually appears at roads late at night.
- Otoroshi (おとろし;scary) - Weird hairy, hunched, four-legged beasts that usually camps above gates.
- Daitengu(大天狗; greater divine dog) - Is seen as a god-like being who lives near mountains, some say they’re highly intelligent and savage
- Ao bōzu (青坊主; blue monk) - Large, one eyed, blue-skinned priests that have strong connection to magic.
- Nekomata (猫又; forked cat) - A highly intelligent cat yokai.
Cultists
Among the diverse selection of fans Teto has garnered, none has been as devoted as her cult of personality. Beyond worshipping her voice and talent they are no more than cannon fodders but their sheer volume is also part of their advantage, able to tear a person from limb to limb with their torch and spear.
Gnos
In the song “Bake no Kawa” (化けの皮), which was used in the opening for the anime Gnosia, Teto and her duet partner, Kobo Kanaeru, plays the role of a Gnosia. Being a huge part of the game’s lore and mechanics, Gnosia are infected sapient beings with the mission of eradicating humanity, characterized by their deceit and need to satisfy their animalistic instincts by feeding and acting as a “terminal” for the hivemind known as Gnos, hypothesized as a cosmic mistake that isn’t meant to exist, through the process of cyberization, more specifically. It preserves the minds and souls of the people that undergo this process, sending them to the realm of recalculation, a “Heaven” of sorts, only this time those infinite human minds would conglomerate and form Gnos which, if given enough time, can pose a threat to an entire solar system despite total destruction to it.
While they are not present physically nor did anything on their own accord, by far their most powerful and dangerous contribution is the existence of Bug. To put it simply, this is a living, breathing “human” molded in the likeness of someone that stood against their ideal, so close in fact that it’s basically impossible to tell them apart. Even the Bug version thinks of themselves as the real deal, and when both entities inhabit one universe as a dual existence, all known laws of cause and effect would be destroyed and the universe itself will collapse with little chance of reacting, eventually erasing both perpetrators into nothingness.
That said, even if Gnos could spawn a bug here, it wouldn’t be very useful, and would also affect Teto herself as it quite literally erases the very thing that keeps Teto alive, her fans on Earth. Basically bro is the Metal Sonic of this fight.
Lego Eagle
Teto may not have had official LEGO collaborations (probably because LEGO is a COWARD), but she does have songs in the Lego format approved and acknowledged by Twindrill! Anyway, one of these songs has her befriending a giant eagle with her baguette, who just happens to be capable of flying to the past.
Weird Al Yankovic
Computer Virus
If you get an email with the subject Stinky Cheese, be careful because it contains a dangerous, insidious computer virus! While Al does spend the song warning against the virus, given he directly has a computer that had it on it, it’s likely he could unleash it if given the chance (though admittedly it's unlikely to be done intentionally). Which is a bit unfortunate given what it can do:
- Data Manipulation : It can change the language of your documents, erase easter eggs off DVDs, erase your hard drive, your backups, and the hard drives of everyone connected to you, invest your stock in Euro Disney, make your iPod only play Jethro Tull, and email your grandma all your porn.
- Technology Manipulation : It can make your phone make long distance prank calls, set your clocks back an hour, and manipulate a water slide into giving you a permanent wedgie.
- Transmutation: It turned a bunch of musical instruments into different sea animals
- Biological Manipulation : It can neuter pets and give them a hickie, as well as melt your face.
- Electricity Manipulation : It can make your laundry get too much static electricity
- Ice Manipulation : It can make you and your computer screen freeze
- Adhesive Manipulation : It can make your keyboard sticky
- Law Manipulation : It can legally change your name to Reggie
- Chemical Manipulation : It can mess with the PH balance in your pool to make a floatie instantly burst into flames
- Mind Manipulation : It can make you physically attracted to sheep
- Time Manipulation : It can make a hole in time and space while leaving a bunch of twinkie wrappers all over the place.
- Immersion : It can hop out of your computer to harass you IRL by peeling paint off your walls, hog the shower, tell you knock knock jokes while you're trying to sleep, and steal your identity and credit card.
- Duplication : It can multiply itself via mitosis.
- Summoning: It can summon a large fiery creature demonic entity.
- Adaptation: The viruses are able to adapt and evolve to the point that they are able to create Superviruses. These lack their previous weaknesses, but are sustained by the life power of the lesser viruses, and can be defeated by installing an anti-virus CD at its very source.
The Soviet Union Military
In promotional material for the Mandatory Fun album, it was shown that Al had control over the military of the Soviet Union, which he used to invade various cities to have his concerts. They’re shown to be armed with guns, tanks, planes, and other military weaponry.
The National Association of Television Research Engineers
To prevent the duplication of “The Compleat Al” on VHS, a distribution company created and patented the “Copy-Stop” system, which punishes those who duplicate the movie by inflicting all matters of misfortune. Ranging from the destruction of the user’s VCR, acids that induce nausea and kill houseplants, a sudden change in the personality of your pet who now has the chance to spontaneously combust, and even a last resort contingency plan to plunge the earth out of orbit and into the sun. Take that, piracy! Don’t ask how we watched this movie, by the way…
Harvey the Wonder Hamster
Al's little furry friend from his time at AL TV and the Weird Al Show. Most hamsters wouldn't be here after that much time, considering Harvey debuted well over 40 years ago, but he’s literally built different. He can blow fierce gusts of wind, lift 20 tons, and survive getting launched across Al's underground cave home like a pinball. He’s also capable of growing larger than a human should he be exposed to radiation. The Weird Al pinball game also suggests he may have electric powers too, which may have come in handy that one time he beat Macho Man senselessly.
Mutant Slugs
In The Soccer Football Movie, Al uses his doctorate in advanced genetics and engineers some mutant slugs. When they latch onto a target, they’re able to make talent tangible, which is then extracted and injected into Al himself. And not just football skills either. These slugs were also able to steal Zlatan’s power, kung fu skills AND magnetic gaze, and stack it on top of Al’s. Later in the movie, the slug embedded in Zlatan’s ponytail even manages to steal Al’s accordion skills in addition to the All-Star talent already stolen. This effectively allows Al to steal and stack the victims skillset, powers AND strength on top of his own. While this does transform him into the big fugly monster above, Al is in full control of his mutant form (might be because he’s already pretty chaotic).
And we’re not done yet. On their own, they have the same abilities as Al’s personal form (as well as an annoying screech), with the added bonus of also being able to store an opponent’s talent and act as independent humanoids. Al mostly has control over these things, and the only one he didn’t… well it was stolen from Zlatan so go figure.
It’s not all perfect however. As we know, these slugs can grant physical boosts in the form of the uncontrollable mutant form. Meaning, when Al sends out a slug to someone, while he’s technically making them go berserk, he’s also inadvertently buffing their stats. So if he can’t retrieve the slug, he’s essentially buffing his foe until he can.
Also, the slugs are weak to whoopee cushions.
Nishqvantasi
Sometimes songwriting can be hard. So to help, Al can summon this demon song god by using his own blood after puncturing his foot with a narwhal tusk. We have no idea what he can do besides that.
Feats
Kasane Teto
Overall
- Shared center stage with Miku in multiple live event
- Became an official Synth
- Has two different Nendoroids
- Best friends include Adachi Rei, Zundamon, Otomachi Una, Defoko, Mononome Momo, and Frimomen
- Masarada, Chikara, and Maxi Ukyo top 3 Teto producer
- Defeated Akita Neru with the help of Hatsune Miku in the Mesmerizer RPG
- Crossed over with Reimu Hakurei, Marisa Kirisame (Kirbonic Pikmin reference???), Shirakami Fubuki, and Mori Calliope in QQQbeats
Power
- Ripped a person’s heart out
- Decapitated a person’s head
- Crushed a chess piece
- Broke a prison bar
- Threw another Teto
- Busted through a space ship door
- Flung several goblins
- Flung several buildings as a giant
- Exploded the Sun from inside out
- Can crack the ground with a pillar of light (294.18 kilojoules)
- Can send people miles away with her flintlock (0.36 Tons of TNT)
- Can shatter the floor with her sword (79.84 tons of TNT)
- Her and Miku dancing causes clouds to quickly move (360.24 tons of TNT)
- Become one with our planet (59.51 Zettatons of TNT)
- Drills through a butter planet (1.44 Yottatons of TNT) with a giga drill (476.78 Ronnatons of TNT)
- Beat up the sun while not getting burned by it in close proximity (and fuses with it) (149.7 Quettatons of TNT)
- Blew up the Earth with a detonator (184.11 Quettatons of TNT)
Speed
- Escaped work really fast (20.34 m/s)
- Weaved through a crowd of people
- Dodges several giant darts and playing cards
- Dodges several lasers
- Moves as the sun (19.67 c)
- Flies across a city in seconds
- Outrun a giant rolling boulder and a “Just Do It” cube
- Travels through space (9.33 Billion c)
- Quickly avoiding getting touched by a cockroach
- Fast enough to flight through a flooded city of mountain height
Durability
- Able to normally walk and run with charred feet
- Hangs onto a speeding train and later a rocket
- Gets hit by a car
- Is sent to the horizon as Pearto
- Get crushed as Pearto
- Gets stabbed by an angelic sword
- Survives a point blank headshot
- Shattered while frozen in ice
- Is fine being inside a tumbling car
- Withstood the collapse of Negaposi’s reality
- Tanked a flood that completely flooded her entire city
- A Sardine Grows From The Soil claims that Teto survived an attack by a timeline cutting scissors
- Got three tangerines dropped on her head
- Seemingly survive a blue screen of death in a middle of a song
Weird Al Yankovic
Overall
- Has won 5 Grammys and an Emmy
- Canonical fans of his include Homer Simpson, Joseph Joestar, Pablo Escobar, Scooby and Shaggy, and Eek the Cat.
- That one part of the Hardware Store song. Like wow.
- Come back from the dead multiple times.
- Defeated Pablo Escobar
- Is a member of the illuminati
- Stole your waifu
- Has a higher spice tolerance than Puss in Boots, Peter Griffin, and Donald Duck
Power
- Bent a guitar like it was rubber
- Tossed a guy off a roof
- Bites a chunk off of someone’s neck
- Beat the hell out of Otis (See Scaling)
- Murdered Scooby Doo (See Scaling)
- Bites off a person’s ear and rips out their appendix
- Cuts off the top of his girlfriend’s head
- Held back a door that a velociraptor was trying to get through
- Blew up a building with explosives
- Lifts a bunch of potatoes into space (2.79 Megatons of TNT)
- Smashed a skyscraper in half while giant
- When he walks out to get his mail, it measures on the richter scale
- Fat Al grows really large and creates an orbital ring (24.248 Exatons of TNT)
- Grabs and moves The Earth (122.97 Quettatons of TNT)
Speed
- Wrapped a sandwich in foil quickly
- Cuts Johnny bravo’s hair very quickly
- Outran a nuclear blast and a bunch of bees
- Types so fast while playing mindscape that he creates blurs and states that it would set the room ablaze (Mach 5)
- Runs around a portion of the earth’s circumference in a few seconds (0.02c)
- Moves in tandem with a laser while driving (0.25c for Al and 0.65c for his car)
- The Virus infected the entire world throughout the course of the song (0.32 c)
- Moved the earth (0.86 c) then split it with a knife (0.23 c)
- Moves as the sun (18.75 c)
- Consistently kept up with the Mystery Gang in speed, once even managing to jump scare them (See Scaling)
Durability
- Got crushed by a wrecking ball (0.161 Tons of TNT)
- Got kicked to Ohio (537.82 Tons of TNT)
- Was fine after cutting his own arm in half
- Gets hit by a car
- Gets messed up by an angry box of weasels
- Got hit by a meteor (735.449 Tons - 30.124 Kilotons of TNT)
- Survived a plane crashing into a hillside hard enough to explode into a fireball that killed everyone but him, before dragging himself back to civilization for three days while carrying all his luggage
- Animated depiction (200.65 Tons of TNT) (this was a fan animation but the guy later animated for official Al videos so you could argue this is retroactively official)
- Survived being in a space station that was right next to a planet sized explosion (11.363 - 70.459 Petatons of TNT)
- Survived an interdimensional black hole (2.87 Yottatons of TNT - 0.28 Foe)
- Survived the Wizard-Snake Combo Attack
- Survived getting Whiplashed
- Survived getting blasted by Dark Samus’ Weed Wave attack
- Survived getting rammed by an animatronic dinosaur that destroyed the cabin he was hiding in
Scaling
Kasane Teto
Other Vocal Synths
With Crypton Future Media adopting Teto to their roster, to the point of almost getting her own Vocaloid voicebank. Teto herself has showcased that she’s capable of keeping up with these Virtual Singers.. In Project Diva and the Mesmerizer Fangame at least!
- Hatsune Miku split the moon in half with a punch (6.81 Ronnatons of TNT)
- Hatsune Miku can power up the Virtual World
- Hatsune Miku got launched all around the world
- Hatsune Miku brings life back to the planet (2.95 Teratons of TNT)
- Hatsune Miku creates a space background containing several stars and planets
- Hatsune Miku splits a giant cat cloud into five cat clouds
- Hatsune Miku, Rin, Len, Meiko, Kaito, and Luka jump between various planets and into a different galaxy (1.69 - 33.89 Trillion times c)
- Hatsune Miku’s singing reaches the end of the afterlife in a short amount of time (119.3 quadrillion c)
- Akita Neru summons a blackhole (Debatable)
- Akita Neru summons multiple lightning strikes
Cross Scaling
While not much has been done with Teto when it comes to collaboration, mostly due to her fairly recent boom, a few do cropped up that offer substantial content. But their cases are rather odd due the format that they put her in. Further details will be covered in Before the Verdict.
- Kukrushka tore through a metal door
- Chrono is unharmed by a point blank bomb explosion
- Gray destroys an iceberg
Weird Al Yankovic
Various Celebrities
Considering the fact that Al himself is indeed a celebrity it should come as no surprise that he has crossed over with, met and fought multiple celebrities as such he should scale to all of these folks.
- Taio Cruz ripped out a lady’s heart
- Kesha punched the moon hard enough to make it day (8.44 Ronnatons & 0.10 c)
- Steve Carell was able to fly as fast as a jet
- Duran Duran survives shooting a music video on the surface of the sun
- Charles Nelson Reilly threw a guy down stairs hard enough to leave a bone sticking out
- He kicked out a charging moose hard enough to kill it
- He can rip out people’s hearts
- He tanked bullets, bombs, and getting tossed through multiple walls
- He can fire laser beams that can melt heads and cause explosions
- He unhinged his jaw and swallowed a Volkswagon whole
- He’s implied to be stronger than Superman
- He grew to the size of a building
- He shattered the fourth wall with a punch
Misc. Scaling
The world that appears in Weird Al projects can be just as strange and bizarre as the man himself on occasions so It’s no surprise that a couple of interesting feats would come from the side cast of his various music videos. Since Al has shown to be the top dog of his ecosystem and given that he has higher feats, It’s more than fine to scale him to his colorful cast.
- Janet bounced a planet with her butt (10.465 Quettatons & 0.381 - 3.604 c)
- Forrest Gump ran fast enough to go to the moon (0.427 c)
- He then ran into a lamp post while running at the same speed (180.549 Megatons)
- Forrest Gump survived being close enough to a nuke to cook a marshmallow on it's blast
- Santa created an explosion that blew up a prison after getting milk and cookies
- This also implies the explosion that blew up his workshop was his doing
- He also kicked a door flying off its hinges
- People snap the spines of weasels by stomping on them
- Random dude rips a persons head off
- Rats live on no evil star (not a serious feat)
- A random crowd of people survived a blimp crashing and exploding next to them
Cross Scaling
Al has shown up for cameos in a wide variety of series throughout the years. Now to be clear, there are plenty of his appearances where he either only shows up briefly and doesn’t do anything to suggest he should scale to the main characters, or just outright doesn’t meet the main characters of the series at all, so there’s not much reason to say he can scale to literally every series he’s shown up in. However, there are a few series that do offer a way to scale him to their casts, which we’ll go over the scaling for here, and will discuss any nuances worth bringing up in them Before the Verdict.
(Note, all feats that feature WWE do not apply to Weird Al directly, but are viable for Harvey the Wonder Hamster)
- They’ve ducked under electric blasts
- Scooby ran to China in seconds (0.039 c)
- Scooby moved faster than moonlight (0.792 c)
- They did the Zobrinsky Triangle (11 quintillion times Universal) (Debatable)
- Zlatan Ibrahimović kicked a soccer ball hard enough to break through the side of a stadium
- Randy Savage can generate storms and tornadoes with the power of Slim Jims
- Alberto Del Rio punches two coffee cups into space in just a few seconds (32 Tons of TNT and Mach 1,762.15)
- Rey Mysterio lives after being thrown off of the roof of the WWE Headquarters
- Hulk Hogan goes to space (570 Kilotons of TNT & 0.02 c)
- Bill Goldberg slammed someone so hard that it was a 10 on the Richter scale (15 Gigatons - 294 Teratons of TNT)
- Roddy Piper slams Wade Barrett into three Easter Island heads, causing them to topple like dominos
- The Undertaker is powered by ⅓ of the books which can bring down Armageddon on the universe, and the “power to reshape the universe” as his own including hell and earth
Weaknesses
Kasane Teto
Teto has done and been a lot, but the very lore of her character makes it clear that Teto, as capable as she appears, isn't perfect. While some songs and appearances show she can be an expert in a lot of fields, shockingly enough, none really make it a point to highlight her intelligence, at least generally speaking. It’s rather difficult to gauge her capabilities due to how big her ego really is. Even in songs where she plays the role of a medical professional, for example, the song makes it clear she has no real idea what she's doing, highlighting that, in practice, she’s not the expert she thinks she is and all the verifiable claims we got are processed through her lie. Now this attitude didn’t come out of nowhere, remember how she was a cheap carbon copy and a one trick pony? Yeah… turns out she’s one of those people that didn’t grow out of her inferiority complex. She’s not inherently an antagonist but BOY does the amount of MikuTeto song doesn’t help her case with how much she is portrayed as the devil to Miku’s angelic side, meaning she’s a troublemaker and overly temperamental. Her quest for success is also not done out of pure malice but we see instances where she did the necessary deed of manipulating the right people to reach newer heights… Only for karma to strike her in the back for ignoring the bigger picture, this comeuppance usually ends in death but if she were to be lucky, she can instead be bullied off of the internet, get arrested, or suffer alone internally, that is definitely a possibility. Even in her most tame interpretation she’s somewhat of a bum and a girlfailure, even more when you consider how many people she’s been dating (a lot of them didn’t make it out alive).
Also can you, y’know, stop calling her a Vocaloid cause the right term is VOCAL SYNTHHSS!!
Weird Al Yankovic
Across his entire career, one thing about Al that has never changed is that he's one to roll with the punches, so it's very often that if there's a joke to tell, it will very often be at his own expense. This means on average, he'll portray himself as childish, reckless, annoying, and on occasion, a little dumb. Have you seen him on Jeopardy? That was rough. But none come close to his ego. Al has ruined parties, hijacked an entire tv channel and abandoned his friends and mentor over his selfish desires. While the final example was due to his newfound fame coming to his head, it’s nonetheless noteworthy simply for how consistent this characterization of Al tends to be.
Speaking of characterization, Al has shown he has a breaking point and will throw in the towel if up against someone weirder than himself. In the Book of Bill, Bill Cipher was “too weird” for Al, causing him to abandon his ways and become normal Al. Again, it needs to be stressed this is an analysis of Al the character and not Al the person. We don’t know the guy. He’s probably pretty nice tho :)
He's also very susceptible to hernias, papercuts, and boxes of starving, crazed weasels.
Before the Verdicts…
So No Sekai?
Vocaloid is… a lot. It's a franchise that by its very design will always be way too diverse to capture in full, but in Teto's case, there's actually a few things we know she CAN'T benefit from that other Vocaloid characters do. The big one, however, is Project Sekai, also known as Hatsune Miku: Colorful Stage.
Sekais, in terms of worldbuilding and mechanics, explicitly do not apply to Kasane Teto in any capacity. Only the Crypton Six (Hatsune Miku, Kagamine Rin, Kagamine Len, Megurine Luka, MEIKO and KAITO) have access to them, and thus only they get the ability to inhabit them, as well as any other notable abilities the game has.
And for the sake of ensuring there's no loose ends, we're also being a bit more scrutinizing regarding her Vocaloid scaling in general. Unless Teto herself appears in a song, we're disregarding most Vocaloid songs not present in the Project Diva and Project Mirai series. Say KAITO one day had a song come about where he was outerversal and infinite speed and had layers of hax. This wouldn't apply to Teto, even if the song was recognized by the usual companies. While hypothetically Teto can do anything, just like any other Vocaloid or UTAUloid, we want to ensure Teto's presence in VS is established through her own merits, as it's commonly assumed Teto is up a creek without a paddle on her own. One of the main goals is to establish that this is not the case, as you're probably well aware of by now.
Project Diva shenanigans
Thanks to Miku’s rise in popularity in her early career, Crypton Future Media decided to follow along with the community’s trend too, creating a game with a bit of a story element dedicated to Miku and her other Cryptonloids companions, KAITO, Haigou Meiko, Kagamine Rin, Kagamine Len, and Megurine Luka: Hatsune Miku: PROJECT DIVA. Setting place in a Virtual World, there are numerous instances of both the world’s and even people’s information being fundamentally composed of data (0s and 1s), as seen in the game’s promotional videos like Torinokocity, Erase or Zero, and even outside of its rhythm gameplay with Project Diva 2nd/Extend, and Project Diva X.
And now at the risk of sounding INCREDIBLY hypocritical, here's a weird area. Project Diva is a game with hundreds of songs and music videos, and said music videos contain various feats and abilities for any Vocaloids involved. Every video can be customized in a variety of ways, even to the point where you can swap out who's in the music video entirely. And wouldn't you know it, Kasane Teto is a DLC skin in this game! Sounds easy, right?
Well, it's not. As customizable as these songs can get, the voices in them are unchanging, making things pretty complicated. Yes, inherently speaking Teto CAN do whatever happens in Diva, but since none of the songs in the game use her voice, is it wise to allow those feats? Well, it's as they say; actions speak louder than words. Teto may not be singing the same songs, but she's absolutely doing the same dance! But what does this mean, exactly? Well, as luck would have it, we know exactly how immersive Project Diva's music videos really are! And it all comes down to the modules.
Modules are more than just a cute outfit. Vocaloids (and others) give their ALL into their “performances” in these songs, even ones that end in their deaths. Miku even says that different modules make her feel like a completely different person. While the chance for it to be metaphorical is there, given how this all takes place in the digital world and they follow songs and stories to the letter in the normal music videos, there’s little to suggest Teto would simply be “acting” out all the feats she has access to in Diva’s lineup. With that established…
Let’s talk about Project Diva’s Cosmology
Since Miku decided to be Miku, there’s a feat where she lights up the entire digital world that Teto would scale to following our stipulations. So, what does that mean? If Miku truly did empower the entire digital world, then that would empower all of the following..
Main Digital World
Starting it off simply, The Digital World is based on our typical universe, with starry skies and a galaxy. Some gameplay in DIVA delves deeper into its cosmology, albeit vaguely, such as Torinokocity stating that there is an existing “Soundless World” and an “Artificial World” in this Universe, and that there exists a mini world in Negaposi*Continues with its own starry skies. Within this digital world also exists a timeline of every PVs in every Project DIVA iteration, primary ones being Rolling Girl, Melt, Star Story, Ievan Polkka, Romeo and Cinderella, etc. and it even displays the real life event that inspired the song’s creation, Miku No Hi Kanshasai 39’s Giving Day event.
Parallel Timelines
There are even 2 promotional videos that exist as separate timelines: The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku and The Intense Voice of Hatsune Miku. Both songs originate from an album by Cosmo@bousou-P called ∞ -InfinitY-. Within this album’s lore, both The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku and The Intense Voice of Hatsune Miku are alternate “stories” to one another. It is stated that all the songs in the album occur in different stories (universes), to the point that Rho (Kagamine Rin) and Lambda (Megurine Luka) call it samsara cycle. All of these connecting to DIVA is backed up even further by the inclusion of ∞Miku in the game. For those who are curious, ∞Miku is taken directly from the Infinity series, specifically the final version of her in the album. Her gothic appearance stems from her becoming self aware and accepting her reality, she escapes her eternal cycle by rewriting her “story” to have a true ending. This Miku Module is deeply connected to both The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku and The Intense Voice of Hatsune Miku to the point where she’s specifically tailor-made to match The Intense Voice of Hatsune Miku PV.
Afterlife
Lastly, surprisingly for a rhythm game, it has some existing religious context within its cosmology, like the Garden of Eden from the Promotional Video, Out of Eden, and the Three Heavens afterlife resemblance, and the Kabbalah in Hello, Planet’s minigame in the first Project Diva iteration. Not much context was given for the Garden of Eden beyond the evil snake manipulating Len to eat the Garden’s apple, which led to his banishment from the Garden. But luckily for us, Hello, Planet provided enough clues to analyze the material properly. Originating from the album ボーカロイドは終末鳥の夢を見るか/Do Vocaloids Dream of Doomsday Bird (a neat nod to “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?”). The song showcases an android Miku waking up to the alarm at her shelter. Being one of the last living beings on the planet, Miku had ventured off to retrieve the last remaining plant to her master’s grave. In the end, she successfully brought the plant to her master’s grave before ultimately dying. During Miku’s ascendance to the Afterlife, we get a quick sequence of the following: the earth and the sky, a clock, outer space containing 2 eart- wait wtf? The Kabbalah and the Afterlife itself. Although not much was said in the video with the visual context displayed, the last song of the album, a.k.a “ *Sayonara, World End, gave us its retelling of what happened with Hello, Planet.
The end of the song aligns with the scenes showcased in Hello, Planet. “Goodbye, the flowerpot” referring to the flowerpot that Miku had retrieved to her master’s grave, “Goodbye, my tears dripping drop by drop,” is seen before Miku’s ascension, “Goodbye, surpassing the world” referring to the Earth and Sky, “Goodbye, surpassing time” referring to the clock sequence, “Goodbye, surpassing dimensions” referring to the Space displayed, And finally, “Goodbye, surpassing the origin” referring to the Sefirot Tree. Both songs end with “Aitakatta no kimi no ohayo hayo” which is when Miku was finally in the afterlife. Though, there have been discussions about including the Kabbalah in the equation, since it’s a topic we need to be wary of, we’re only gonna equate its intended purpose with what the song establishes. And with all of that set in place for the afterlife, Miku’s ascendance goes in order with what was stated in Sayonara, World End: The World < Time < Dimensions < “The Origin”/Sefirot < Afterlife.
It is important to note that, despite only showing Miku ascending to the afterlife, the Hello, Planet minigame has given another feat of its own, in which Miku doesn’t die and saves her master instead. In this ending, Miku shattered the flowerpot, which led her to completely give up, until a figure who’s presumably Megurine Luka came in and told Miku that she could still bring her master back to the afterlife with her singing. Her singing was so powerful that it transcended time, dimensions, and the sefirot to reach the afterlife, bringing her master back to the post-apocalyptic world to restore life to Earth. Given how Miku’s voice literally went beyond time and dimensions itself, her voice range would literally be immeasurable, even if we were to consider that both claims are just visual metaphors and it hadn’t actually happened, her voice still travelled at the edge of the universe, which is about 119.3 quadrillion C.
Crossover Technicality
Similar in vein to the previous section, Vocaloid is no stranger to cross promotion. But to cut to the chase, while her UTAUloid version isn’t exactly unpopular, Twindrill doesn’t have nearly the same star power back then outside the niche NND circle, Crypton are the one usually taking the helm in promotion, lumping her together with the Main Six if possible. Though of course as of recent years, Teto has been appearing in many collaborations including the aforementioned QQQBeats we are sadly unable to look into due to technical reasons, gambling in Poker Chase, and being your desktop mate. And if our prediction is correct she might be the new character in UNBEATABLE with their upcoming collaboration with Jaime Paige (hopium)! Of course if you've been diligently reading this blog up to this point then you know there’s two main subjects of this discussion, Gnosia and Fate Rewinder/Unmei no Makimodoshi.
Let’s start with the easiest, Gnosia, originally a cult-classic game for the PS Vita that received an anime adaptation which started airing in October 2025. Twindrill have been heavily promoting this series due to Teto’s involvement as one of the singers for the opening (they are even given a special shout-out during the MV release), alongside that, Teto herself is a Gnosia in the music video. Safe to say, its inclusion is cut and dry. For Fate Rewinder however, we need to peel back twice the layer to uncover their relation.
Vocaloid Collection is a website made for voice synthesizer fans, which occasionally host collaboration events and competitions with various series, one particular example is Crypton with Project Sekai. The main subject of today is CoroCoro, one of the biggest manga publishers in Japan. Their event however was personally handpicking a producer to write a song based on their two, technically three, popular series for the newer generation, that being Black Channel and Fate Rewinder. This has been going on for three straight years across five events. The last one so far was a remix competition that ended with two winners who coincidentally uses Teto as their singer, but one is more concrete than the other, that being 風となれ - HEISEI Digital J-POP Ver.. Not only it features Teto front and center, but it helps that the original version is also sung by Teto, and when it comes to promoting them on Twitter, the official Twindrill account retweeted both announcements. Heck, when the Fate Rewinder anime adaptation was announced, Twindrill tweeted this as a form of congratulation. Safe to say while Twindrill doesn’t have a hand in this event, this was manually approved by them, which is why they were included here. Then that begs the question. Who is she scaling to?
Folks, welcome to “Does possessing a power unique to that series’ universe in a music video made them comparable to the characters in the story?”. This was admittedly a tough nut to crack for one of our research team but it was ultimately decided to forgo the chain scaling with one word: exclusivity. Unlike the Sekais, which was explicitly applied to six of Crypton’s roster, anyone can be a Gnosia and a Fate Rewinder. Context matters in this discussion, the former cycles through multiple characters while the latter, despite its tighter restriction, is something only granted to agents within the organization, in fact there’s lots of Rewinder in the series and assuming Teto is one isn’t as far-fetched. Funnily enough this isn’t the first guest character that possesses a Retry Eye as that honor goes to fellow voice synthesizer Adachi Rei with the most recent example being Frieren, Fern, and Stark.
To which degree of feat they’ll be getting is dependent on the series. Gnosia is a fairly grounded verse with hax making up the bulk of the discussion which was already covered in the ability section. Fate Rewinder is thankfully more combat oriented, assuming all members of Space-Time Police Special Task-Force Unit (say that in quick succession) are comparable to each other since they undergo the same training regiment, then Teto safely scales to their power and speed, filling out her mid end. There is however a grade system but that’s more to do with their efficiency and success rate rather than AP. To not be as generous as possible, we won’t have Teto scale to all feats in the series, that’s just dumb and works against the intended parameter of the story even when a composite version of her could wipe out the whole verse (and we already tread into risky territory). One feat that we won’t be counting relates to one of the character’s, Akaba’s special ability/Version Up, Forward, which accelerates his speed to ridiculous degree, 200x to be exact, and since no one currently is able to tag him when using this with the exception of one, then Teto is far from consideration.
What Did Teto Type in Override?
(Fanart source)
With the inclusion of Mesmerizer Fangame into the equation, we are given a bunch of magic that Teto can perform, one of which is Override, based on the eponymous hit song (that also got a novel adaptation). It is by far her most powerful spell as it overwrites all debuff left on her and converts it into an attack buff. Now each unique magic has its own animation that plays before landing the hit, and for Override we see Teto typing a long-winded command prompt about… something. Luckily one of our researchers took their time to slow down the footage and write the full text which can be read here. One thing to know is that the program Teto uses in this animation is called “GodDrinksJava” which turns out to be a reference to the musician Mili (PM sleeper agent wins again) and her song “world.execute(me);”. There, it is explicitly said that the program lets you create an “empty simulated world with no meaning or purpose”, even using the same line of code as the song. Now if you were to give Teto the leeway and assume she can recreate the source code not in the Override animation then that gave her the ability to, among other things, time travel from AD to BC, remove emotion, set limitations when approaching infinity, and get you high. This is on top of what Teto can already do with this program, and in the case of Override, the bulk of it is Teto giving herself God Mode and increasing every physical and spiritual quality of hers by a very high amount and can potentially use it on Al for the opposite effect.
Now does all this actually happen? Nah. it’s pretty obvious by the first glance that Override as an ability gave a very different effect than the animation. Reiterating it again, Override lets Teto “Overrides all debuffs with an [Attack Up]”, not “become invincible and add a bunch of meaningless multipliers” which wasn't reflected in gameplay. Now it is without assumption that she uses the “GodDrinksJava” program to execute Override, though at best the cutting point is Teto creating a simulated world and the rest is gibberish.
Scooby-Doo Scaling
Of all the big franchises Al’s crossed paths with, perhaps the most notable one for many is Scooby-Doo. Al showed up in an episode of Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?, during which the gang helped him deal with an animatronic dinosaur threatening his accordion camp. So can he scale to the gang? In terms of speeds, most likely. Not only does he directly keep up with the gang when running from the dinosaur, he was even able to jumpscare them faster than they could react, which all suggests he should comfortably scale to their speeds. As for power, that’s a bit more questionable, as he never really fights them at any point. At best you could argue that him being threatened by the same monster they were implies they’re comparable, but it’s a bit of a stretch to use this as evidence to say he ought to compare to their best feats of power. And Al has had a few other crossovers with the Scooby Gang, like an episode of Batman: The Brave & The Bold, a brief appearance in the Scooby-Doo, Where Are You Now? special, and some old advertisements for Knott's Berry Farm, but none of them really offer much more solid to go on for the idea of Al scaling to them…
Until you find out that he actually KILLED Scooby Doo in a comic adaptation of his song Nature Trail to Hell, sourced from a book called The Illustrated Al. So let's unpack this.
Looking into the book itself, we were unable to find ANY trademarks from Cartoon Network, Hanna Barbera, or anything Warner Bros adjacent in the book, implying this is an unofficial use of the character, and therefore isn’t canon. Yet as you can see, these characters look and talk pretty much exactly like the real Fred Jones and Norville Rogers. If the lack of official acknowledgement is enough to deter you from using this, that's perfectly valid and is probably enough for some of us here, but let's humor the idea that Al really DID officially kill Scooby Doo here. While the validity of this feat is admittedly very sketchy, it would justify a more concrete scaling chain should you accept it. But given the crossover nature of it, the lack of any official trademarks in the book does raise some valid concerns on whether it should be used. Nonetheless, we at least felt it was noteworthy to bring attention to this existing at all.
With that said, what would this provide? Does this mean Al scales to the Zobrinsky Triangle and the Time Explosion? What about that time Scooby reset the entire universe in Mystery Incorporated? Well unfortunately, Al scaling to the full extent of Scooby Doo is rather flimsy. It may not sound like a series that cares about its continuity, and for a while it didn’t, but in the past decade or so, Scooby Doo as a series has taken a lot more care of itself in terms of timelines and continuities. For example, a series like Scooby Doo, Where are You? exists in a completely different timeline from Scooby Doo, And Guess Who? This can be identified by which version of Batman they feature, or Justice League members in general. The comics that continue the original series’ Scooby started from maintaining the Super Friends continuity, while Guess Who focuses on original interpretations of the characters. The comics also make it a statement to say other Scooby shows are their own timeline (as well as the movies), when Scoob Mite (yes he’s real) makes every incarnation of the gang exist at once. Think of the Scooby franchise as something more akin to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Transformers, where the characters are the same in name and purpose, but there’s fundamental differences in their worlds to confirm these are different people at their core, regardless of the similarities. This is basically a long winded way of saying Al wouldn’t scale to stuff like the Time Explosion feat from the Laff-O-Lympics comics. But don’t feel bad, that supposed “time explosion” only took up the space of an alleyway anyway. However, Al has shown to be relative to the gang in Guess Who, the same series where they got training from Wonder Woman, and- the thing you actually care about- the same series where Scooby, Shaggy and Madame Zobrinsky performed the Zobrinsky Triangle, a dance that when performed right, shattered the edge of the universe. This bumps Al up tremendously… should you accept it.
See, a big point of contention against the notion of scaling is the fact that the energy used in this feat is EXCLUSIVE to the triangle. Whether it’s performed correctly or incorrectly, the destructive properties don’t necessarily translate to anything else Scooby, Shaggy or Zobrinsky do. However, the opposite end of the argument is that the energy needed to pull off such a feat had to come from SOMEWHERE, and the move wasn’t mentioned to be magic in any way. Toonforce or not, there’s no otherworldly explanation for this dance’s properties. Ultimately, it’s unclear if Al fully scales to this and only debatable at best. Though in the verdict proper, Al will be given this scaling under extreme leniency.
Artwork
(Lain, Custom Al/Teto sprites also by me! You can find them here)
(glreadstoomuch)
Soundtrack
Verdict
Stats
Arsenal
Tertiary Factors
Support
Abilities
Conclusion
Hmm… these look too… normal. Let’s fix that.
Build
Who’s built different? A very simple question with a very complex answer, so let’s just jump in and get into the nitty-gritty. It’s pretty clear these two match in the lower end feats, and can tear through people like paper. Even the cosmic feats are almost dead even, as both of them were able to destroy and become celestial bodies such as our sun. So direct power might as well be a draw. Speed… not so much.
Al simply doesn’t have the numbers that Teto does. Rounding up, he’s just under 19 times the speed of light, while Teto is directly in the billions. The gap is literally incomprehensibly in the Chimera’s favor, suffice to say. And spoilers for the final category, but durability essentially doesn’t matter, simply due to the sheer levels of regeneration both of them have. So in direct showings, Kasane Teto takes a comfortable early lead. So, would scaling change things? Or, to cut to the chase; would Scooby-Doo come in clutch?
Well let’s give the benefit of the doubt and say that Al scales to the Zobrinsky Triangle, a feat that shatters any AP feat Teto has done directly (11 quintillion times uni), and also happens to be the highest scaling Scooby feat in general. So even without the likes of the Time Explosion feat or the time Mystery Incorporated killed Satan, Al’s sitting pretty comfortably in AP when given as much leeway as possible. On Teto’s end, it’s very easy to connect her to the Crypton Vocaloids, which obviously includes the main one, Hatsune Miku. Just like Scooby, we aren’t scaling Teto to a composite, but she would be allowed any iterations of Miku found in the songs mentioned in this blog, but more importantly, Projects Diva and Mirai. This is crucial, because not only does this give Teto another huge speed feat, it also lets us talk about everyone’s favorite topic in high tier VS debates; COSMOLOGY SCALING. Wait- wait no come back-
Miku’s voice was once so powerful, that it traveled through and lit up the entire Digital World. So, how big is the Digital World? And more importantly, does it have an amazing circus? Jury is out on the latter, but we know that the Digital World clearly is modelled after our own universe, containing the same solar systems, galaxies, and the like. But the more we looked, we found out this Rabbit Hole Deco*27 goes much deeper.
The Digital World contains many other dimensions. Some are pocket dimensions that exist in the Digital World, while some exist as split timelines, like in the Hatsune Miku no Shoushitsu -Real And Repeat-/∞ -InfinitY- albums. While they’re not directly connected to DIVA, several songs in those albums are indeed present in DIVA (e.g.,. The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku and The Intense Voice of Hatsune Miku). As for more blatant examples of a wider scope, we have Hello Planet. In the song, Miku has a dying vision where she ascends into the afterlife, and during her journey to the heavens, she leaves the planet, enters space, and then enters the three heavens, which basically means a dimension after our universe where the afterlife resides, surpassing dimensions and time itself (Thankfully, this is explicit as it gets, so there’s no direct ties to Chrstian God or any other figures). This could sound dubious as the song shows this only exists as a vision, even a potential hallucination, but there exists another song that shows an alternate scenario where these locations still exist even when Miku survives, meaning we can write off the theory that these places only exist in her head.
So, in summary, picture a universe like ours, where songs exist as their own pocket dimensions, each with its own fluctuating cosmologies, and the edge of the universe contains another universe that surpasses time. With that in mind, Miku’s voice can travel through the entire digital world in a minigame based on Hello Planet, which includes the afterlife. Even removing Hello Planet entirely, the universe in the digital world is simply way bigger than anything any cosmology Al could scale to. Even if the Triangle is potentially more impressive in power (given it had more of a destructive force by shattering the edge of the universe compared to Miku simply lighting it up), Miku’s voice traveled farther in such a short span of time that it utterly eclipses Al in terms of speed, scaling and all. And unlike Scooby, Teto scaling to Miku and her voice doesn’t pose the same hurdles the Triangle feat does. And without the Triangle feat given its questionable scaling to Al at all, his next best feat is the black hole feat at 0.28 FOE and stacked up next to Teto, he does not stand up in power in any regard.
TLDR; Teto and Al directly match each other’s power, but Teto blitzes billions of times over, and the gap could potentially become immeasurable if you give equal leeway to both sides, because the Afterlife is a dimension that is claimed to surpass time itself. Power similarly would go to Teto in most cases, but could favor Al under some leeway, however the gap there is finite (and rather vague, as the exact scope of the Digital World is still undetermined, just bigger than ours by varying degrees), while speed just isn’t.
Just eat it Al, Kasane Teto is simply built different and takes the stats advantage.
Props
Kasane Teto and Weird Al, being the performers that they are, are well acquainted with all sorts of weaponry, conventional or (more often) not, and given the sheer number of songs the two have, quantity isn’t an issue for either, so let’s take a look at the quality of the tools at their disposal.
First of all, both of them have basic weaponry that basically act as an arms race, many of which are not of note in terms of haxes, abilities, or whatnot. They both also have options to end themselves if they wanted to do that for some reason, and so on.
Al is more versatile with ranged weapons like guns, explosive arrows, explosives in general, and more, but Teto’s melee weaponry shows that she can be a huge threat up close. Teto has a bat that has holy properties, swords that can create pillars of light, and just generally has more options to work with. Al has extra lives, but Teto can drink potions that grant immortality. Al has some cars and a space station, but Teto has flying saucers, ships, a flying nimbus, and multiple full on battle mechs (Al only has the one). And the weirder we get, the more the table favors the UTAUloid. Nothing in Al’s arsenal can account for ice cream that could send him to the Backrooms, Teto’s Retry Eye letting her essentially pull a save state, or Teto’s Mesmerizer fangame items granting her immunity to whatever status effects could potentially be thrown in her way. However, Al has anti-virus CD’s that can help him resist the effects of the Computer Virus, which, while helpful (since he can resist mind manipulation, data manipulation, and the other stuff you should’ve read the support section already), only goes so far when Teto can basically say no to dying off of her equipment alone. Even Al’s methods of time travel aren’t as efficient, at least when looking at devices that would allow him to do so, like his alarm clock invention that (when working as intended) only sends him back a half hour at a time. And finally, nothing Al has can make as big a boom as Teto’s drill, which can eclipse the Earth itself in size. There’s no getting away from that.
After an overly elaborate White and Nerdy analysis, we have decided to give props to Kasane Teto’s props.
Unpredictability
You would think that the hundreds of songs Teto has over Al would mean she’s more well-equipped to handle a fight to the death. And she definitely IS well equipped for such an occasion. But when it comes to using brains over brawn, the chimera actually falls a little short.
To get plusses out of the way, Teto has shown she can use her mind to accomplish practical things like hacking, which can prove useful against tech in a pinch. Al has also shown this skill, but only for less combat-oriented things, like TV satellites. Also, Teto is pretty good at pulling a fast one when on the backfoot, but from there, the tide begins to shift. Even in more “casual” outings like Albuquerque show that Al will go for unpredictable and outright gory options if he finds himself in a mindless brawl, like ripping out appendixes, or even biting out jugular veins when unprovoked. Teto might be able to ward off such a barbaric fate thanks to some martial arts training as a Rewinder, but Al quickly gains the upper hand in training thanks to his time as a CIA agent. This proves especially useful with his more trigger happy tendencies, and this is all before mentioning that he was claimed to be the world’s deadliest assassin in the span of a day after an attempt to rescue his girlfriend from Pablo Escobar. Teto technically accomplished more and formed an entire society in an isekai world, completing every quest thrown her way, but not only was that over the span of a few years, she was also hard carried by her drill. In reality, her strategy was very basic and essentially amounted to throwing herself at the problem and letting her sheer power handle a situation. Given how she can’t even complete a boxing match without falling back on a ray gun at her worst, and that Al’s training trumps Teto’s at her peak, the advantage becomes quite clear.
We can hear you calling this a pity category, which is shocking; we didn’t dare you to be stupid. This one handily goes to Weird Al.
Pals
Armies and hamsters and cults, oh my! It’s clear these two aren’t going at it alone, so whose friends are pulling their weight?
While we here at Bang’s Blogs like to believe all friends are created equal, there are definitely some small fries who are basically here to act as human shields. This might be a not-so-wise thing to say about the USSR, but to be fair, at no point in world history have they had to contend with Hatsune Miku. At least they can take out those darn cultists pretty easily. I don’t care how down bad you might be for Teto, you’re not beating out a T-34-85. So what Teto lacks in quantity, she makes up for in quality, right?
Right?
As of writing, Teto has three Pokémon to her name, and she’s borrowed some Yokai from Len, which definitely means her creature feature is putting most of Al’s pals in the dirt (and having a time traveling Eagle never hurts). Don’t forget, Mimikyu’s true appearance kills people who make the mistake of seeing it, be it from fright or illnesses. And Melloetta’s Pokedex entry claims it can manipulate people's emotions. A niche, but welcome tool in a fight as chaotic as this… welcome to being stolen, that is. Remember Al’s mutant slugs? While the process requires them to make contact with both their victims and Al, they can sap away energy, talents, and even power from others and give them to Al himself. While we’re immediately writing off the idea that they could close the stat gap, they could definitely still drain Teto’s stamina and leave her open that way, or render people like Mesmerizer Miku helpless by stealing her moves. And this isn’t even accounting for the fact that this category is where Al’s best source of power comes from: Harvey the Wonder Hamster!
Harvey has shown that he’s above any other rodent this side of Lynnwood. He's able to lift over 20 tons, has electric powers, and most importantly, defeated Randy Savage so violently that he walked away limping. Given that this happened after it was established that Undertaker’s power is drawn from one third of the books, Harvey is powerful enough to take the belt for himself against any of Teto’s allies, even poor Mesmerizer Miku wouldn’t be safe, as the fangame doesn’t connect to a composite of either Teto or Miku’s characters (and if you try to connect any of Teto’s Pokemon to the creation trio I SWEAR to Arceus). But if raw strength somehow doesn’t work… viruses will.
So, let’s give this the attention it deserves. Virus Alert REALLY makes it clear that these guys are bad news, and Al definitely doesn’t like them either. In most circumstances, he’s not going to be the one bringing them out. But to make sure that doesn’t happen, it would be on Teto to forward chainmail to everyone she knows. Everyone. In the entire digital world. All of them. If she doesn’t, all hell breaks loose. While Al is at odds with them in the flash game, one thing of note is that in the music video for Virus Alert, even at their worst, the viruses never harm Al directly. This isn’t to say they’re secretly in cahoots or anything, but it is clear that so long as he isn’t trying to delete them directly, basically anyone else is a bigger target in their evil, beady eyes. Even if they did prioritize him, Al has Anti Virus CD’s that let him resist the worst that these things have to offer. As you can imagine, this is REALLY BAD news for Teto in many ways, because these viruses can delete pretty much anything that’s considered data. Easter eggs, files… and then there’s the more sentient stuff. Remember, this virus can break free from a digital screen and escape into the real world.
Fun fact: Did you know that Pokemon are converted to data when stored in PC’s or Poké Balls? And her eagle wouldn’t be safe either, given that the virus can break through time and space in the same way.
This isn’t even taking into account how much of Teto herself would be affected. Now, it should be noted that these viruses can be deleted, and Teto could do so with the likes of Gnos. But unfortunately, as far as that goes, we discovered something rather damning in a battle with this many moving parts. As previously mentioned, the existence erasure that comes from Gnosia still requires a massive amount of math, and Teto reasonably wouldn’t be able to replicate the conditions of the warp, meaning this simple hand touch is going to require a lot more math to hand. And if that wasn’t enough, across the entire series, Gnosia are seemingly incapable of erasing more than one thing at a time, no matter what circumstances they find themselves in. And given these viruses are capable of multiplying via mitosis, or worse yet, fusing into SUPERVIRUSES, Teto’s closest friends simply don’t have an answer to these gremlins. Al could (and would) warn Teto of all of this ahead of time, so Teto has the opportunity to prevent this from happening (although how likely is it for Teto to fall for chainmail in the middle of a fight to the death?), but even without the virus in the equation, Harvey simply outmuscles Teto’s army. She’s outnumbered and outmatched.
It’s a mesmerizing upset, but Al’s Pals triumph over the gal’s.
Weirdness
The big one. The category that could determine the entire fight on its own. In a battle with this many factors already, it’s important to break this one down as cohesively as possible.
First of all, the things they can both do. This is including but not limited to:
Flight: Starting off with something a bit more simple and in the ordinary rather than out, it’s flight! They sure can do it. While Teto does have a few more ways to achieve lift off, Al can do it just fine as well, so it doesn’t really matter that much. It’s a tie.
Teleportation: We would imagine that going on planes all the time for a tour could get pretty annoying. Luckily for these two, they can teleport all up and around the place, so there’s no need to fork over some dough to Delta Airlines. Al sued them for a reason, after all. Teto takes a pretty decent lead in this category, as while Al has done some pretty impressive stuff with it, such as teleporting from his space station to earth; Teto has managed to teleport out of another dimension and even teleport away yokai before. Additionally, she’s showcased the ability to use it like a Dragon Ball character in order to dodge incoming attacks, so that’s pretty helpful all things considered. This one goes to Teto.
Shapeshifting: Accounted for. Teto’s already a chimera, so morphing isn’t too hard. And Al… Al’s just like that. Now the things that they’ve actually shape-shifted into line up pretty well surprisingly, as both have turned into far more animalistic forms, inanimate objects, and even other people entirely. However, that’s where the similarities stop, as Al has utilized it in far wackier ways. He’s used it to grow just an obscene amount of limbs, twist his head each and every way around, and even turn into the sun. Like the celestial object. This is a pretty clear Al dub.
Size Manipulation: Teto has shown the ability to not only shrink others, but grow large enough to hold the planet in her hand. Both of which are things Al has also been proven to do. Another tie.
Hair Manipulation: Teto doesn’t seem to have as much control over her hair, as it can spin around depending on her emotions, while Al can use it as if it was just another appendage, like that time he did so to whip Otis. But not only can Teto’s hair grow longer, it can also grow mouths for some disgusting reason. And since her hair doesn’t really try to hurt her at all, having better control isn’t a game changer in this category. Teto’s twin drill hair wins.
Transmutation: Both Al and Teto have shown instances of transmutation, and on living beings, no less. And given both have the ability to revert changes done to themselves, it's safe to say this category is practically moot.
Telekinesis: Teto can blow up walls, but Al has the force and has used it to push and pull things towards himself (I’m not sure if you noticed, but Al is also above wall level). He’s even used it offensively with the force choke. Though Teto can use telekinesis as some sort of psychic spirit gun, the force is simply better. Al pulls through.
Hypnotism: Teto and Al have shown the ability to mess with minds, and while Teto can also create illusions, Al’s foil has kept his mind safe from mental attacks pretty well. I mean, he WAS right about the aliens. On the flip side, Teto can put up a good fight, but eventually, she was overcome by the hypnotism in Mesmerizer. That being said, it took several days to pull off. Being blunt, this category simply isn’t relevant when there are so many other options at both of their disposal.
Weather Manipulation: While this fight isn’t exactly the 2016 season of Pokemon VGC, a weather war still could be possible, so it’s important to see which of these two could provide a more dangerous forecast. Starting with Teto, the chimerical diva is able to conjure up raging storms, which she can control down to the very last drop. On the other hand, Al showcases a little more variety with his ability to shoot and shape lightning, summon perpetual gusts of wind, and even create tornadoes. Although Al has showcased more applications of this ability, Teto has showcased far more precise control over her uses of it so it’s hard to say who’s the ultimate climate controller.
Duplication: Both can become many, and many can become an army. But in Teto’s case, there’s an entire planet where she’s the dominant species, whereas Al has a few dozen or so. That’s not to say he can’t duplicate himself more, but the numbers don’t lie. Even if we say there’s only a city of Teto’s instead of a planet because of the MV only focusing on that one city, that would still be more than Al. There’s just more Teto to go around.
Sound Manipulation: This one is pretty clear cut. There’s only one time Al has been able to hurt people with his voice. It was when he blew up his own head. He could project his own onto Teto’s or use it to summon some animal friends, but that’s about it. Meanwhile, Teto could mute Al entirely and has shown to be able to use her voice offensively without hurting herself in the process.
Reality Warping: From minor things like altering text on a sign to not so minor things like changing entire mediums, hammerspace, or even creating things from nothing, Al and Teto are clearly above our mortal comprehension. That being said, only Al has shown to be able to undo someone else’s reality manipulation, and with a snap, at that. So with that in mind, Al takes the edge here.
Time Manipulation: As discussed in the arsenal section, both have equipment that lets them jump through time, but they have also been shown the ability to use it normally as well. Teto has been shown to use it with better precision, though. Al can rewind time himself, but very, VERY briefly. Both have allies that can time travel as well, as discussed in the support section. As far as their individual selves go, Teto ultimately has better control of it in terms of precision and practicality. Plus, Teto is the only one of the two who has shown to be able to slow down or stop time entirely.
Regeneration/Immortality: Both can survive without internal organs, grow back to normal after getting mutilated, their heads getting decapitated, the list goes on. However, Teto’s regeneration extends beyond her physical body, because similarly to Miku, she can live on so long as her information remains. She can also create entirely new bodies, be it from a heart or nothing at all. YOU are keeping Teto alive.
As for immortality, Al has shown that he does not age the same way you or I do, existing since caveman times. If he ends up taking fatal damage, he can resurrect in various ways, like becoming a zombie or ghost, and there have also been songs where Al talks about the time he died, so he can clearly come back from conventional means of death if he so chooses to. On the other end, Teto can reincarnate from the ashes, live on as a decomposed body, and can live on so long as there is someone who can give or receive her words. This means Teto can survive even the data deletion of the Computer Virus, as its havoc beyond the digital world is more gradual than the instantaneous process of deleting files on a computer.
So, what now? Given the sheer levels of regen and immortality, it seems like neither side has a way to actually end the fight, right? What good is raw power if they can make a body on the spot? It should just be a stalemate…
That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?
Notice how we only covered the SHARED abilities. Now, let’s go over the options that the two don’t have an equivalent for.
On Al’s end, we have…
Broadway Manipulation: Now, what kind of musician would Albert Yankovic be if he couldn’t make someone uncontrollably bust a move? This would be a pretty good tool to briefly incapacitate Teto and leave her wide open to attack.
Dream Manipulation: Everyone’s dreamt about Weird Al at least once right? Well, if Teto takes a snooze or potentially gets in-capped by hypnosis then Al could drag her into her dream like a polka-playing pony-laying (wink wonk) Freddy Krueger.
Future Sight: While it hasn’t been used in the most combat-applicable ways, this could still give Al a decent heads-up as to what’s coming his way.
Pancreas Manipulation: Al
can attract every other pancreas in the universe with a force
proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional
to the distance between them. Now, that’s great and all, but what is a
pancreas? Well, my dear reader, that is an excellent question. The
pancreas is a large glandular organ located within the human abdomen
that comprises part of the digestive system. It’s actually a fairly
versatile organ as it can both secret special enzyme juices into the
small intestine, which helps to digest food that leaves the stomach and
produce the hormone insulin, which is then secreted into the bloodstream
in order to regulate the body’s glucose level. Now. What does this mean
for the fight? Absolutely nothing! But hey! Now you know a bit more
about human anatomy, isn’t that cool? It… isn’t?
At the very
least, you might be happy to know that Teto has (big shocker coming up),
never encountered such an ability! So Al could theoretically rip out
her pancreas really hard and really fast like Scorpion’s get over here
Kunai throw… which would be negated by her regen… Or it would do
nothing, who knows.
Projection: Unlike the last weird ability, Al has actually used this one in a fair few ways. Severing his soul from his body could potentially be used as a neat get away tactic, but it requires a bit of setup, and we don’t quite think that pulling a Mufasa by making a grand entrance in the clouds would be the most helpful thing in the world. However, the third usage: flashback projection could knock Teto off-guard, so the ability isn’t completely useless.
Fat Al: While both of Al’s fatter forms would be capable of immense environmental damage, they don’t really bring anything interesting to the table ability wise :(
Fairy Al: Fairy Al doesn’t bring anything game-changing, but it does expand on a few of base Al’s abilities. It gives him another method of transmutation, a way to teleport people away to a Walmart, which would momentarily distract Teto, although she could come back, and last but not least: the ability to give Teto a liposuction. This will definitely give him the win.
Soccer Mutant Al: Although most of Mutant Al’s usability would come from being able to utilize the slugs’ stolen abilities, he has a few interesting things on his own. The most notable of which would be his toxic spit which could serve as a pretty decent ranged option.
Weird Owl: Owls are pretty cool
…Hey, wait a minute. None of those sound like a game changer. In a battle as chaotic as this, any and all chances for an opening do matter, but it doesn't look like Al has anything that can end the fight in his favor. So how does the other side look?
Teto’s exclusive abilities include:
Tear Manipulation: While flooding the floor of a restaurant with your eye juices is relatively impressive, It’s not exactly like Teto can just shoot tsunamis straight out of her eye holes. Al can breathe underwater regardless so It wouldn’t help that much anyway.
Paint Manipulation: It’s very pretty. I like the colors :3
Fire Breathing: A staple of Teto’s circus performances. This has shown to be pretty strong as it can contend with Miku’s flame thrower and be used to replicate Dhalsim’s Yoga Fire. Unfortunately, Al isn’t really bothered by the heat as he’s just fine after lighting himself on fire and putting out fires with his face.
Fusionism: Teto has used this to merge with the sun. Al can turn into the sun. This is as clear a counter as it gets and it's a little funny ngl Wiz.
Existence Erasure: While it sounds like an instant win move, Teto’s Gnosia nature and abilities are incredibly circumstantial, and is a gambit she will struggle to pull off entirely. Additionally, Teto has seemingly only used the strange erasure bubble on… herself, so that’s not great. This ability, while still potentially useful, is far more helpful on paper than in practice.
Wish Manipulation: Here’s a similar example. It’s great in theory but unfortunately, Teto has never used it in anything close to an offensive scenario. Not to say that she couldn’t but she just hasn’t shown the capability to do so yet.
Scab: Teto can decompose Al’s body with the Scab, which she has great control of. Although Al could certainly regenerate from it, It would still be fairly helpful in a pinch.
Sealing: Teto could seal Al away (or send him to the backrooms with Ice Cream). Al hasn’t shown any resistance to sealing so this would be a pretty good tool to get him out of Teto’s hair. Though, we have seen Al teleport with relative ease, so chances are this can keep Al busy, but not enough to incapacitate him.
TETO☆TETO☆STAR: Unfortunately, this star won’t be shining the brightest in this fight as we don’t have any concrete information as to what it’s abilities entail other than the spells being fueled by souls.
Irregular Man: Other than adding some additional stuff to Teto’s 4th wall and Reality Warping capabilities, Irregular Man does not really bring that much to the table either other than being able to come back from a pool of blood if he’s killed
Tetoman Taro: Tetoman Taro provides some absolutely massive explosive AOE with it’s attacks which isn’t bad to have at all
Robo-Teto: Robots are cool
So, it seems we’re back to square one. The sheer levels of their immortality and regen might just mean none of the previous advantages even matter. Because what good are they if neither side has a ghost of a chance of actually killing each other?
Wait a minute… ghost…? THAT'S IT!
Soul Purification: Across all of their music catalogues. Across hundreds of songs, millions of lyrics, and all the movies, games, episodes and what have you… Al has never shown any resistances or regeneration for attacks done to his soul. And given he not only has the ability to turn into a ghost, but project his spirit through Astral Projection, this ironically leaves him ESPECIALLY vulnerable to his soul being killed by the likes of holy water; something Teto has on hand and has used to kill evil and corrupt ghosts. But Al isn't evil, right? He seems like such a nice guy… and he is! The REAL Weird Al Yankovic has no enemies because he's awesome and chill like that. But the Weird Al character has plenty of instances of being an antagonistic force, and even a downright villainous one.
For one, the Weird documentary movie has made it a point that Al's ego can lead him to dark places, like when he gave up his friends and mentor due to his fame and blind love. He's also hijacked a TV station to host a show for the music only he cares about. And then you get to more blatant examples of villainy, like how he wanted to steal other people's skills for himself with those mutated slugs. And worst of all… he's a POLITICIAN!
Oh, and Darkseid in Teen Titans GO! claims Al is even more evil than he is. We never said we couldn't use Darkseid's CLAIMS in this blog, now did we?
With all this in mind, Al's soul is more than vulnerable to holy water, which means Kasane Teto is the only truly capable of ending the fight on her own terms. If you assumed this would be a no diff Al win, Everything you Know is Wrong!
And to leave no stones unturned, how would this debate look without crossovers?
- Teto wouldn’t get the Retry Eye, Gnosia powers, her Pokemon or Rewinder training
- Al wouldn’t get any Scooby scaling, Barnyard’s time travel claim, Darkseid’s evil statement, the mutant slugs, and Harvey’s WWE scaling
As you can see, this hurts Al way more than it does Teto, as her win conditions remain unchanged, and now any AP argument Al has to stand on is now gone.
Whoops.
Curtain Call
“Thank you all so much for all your comments and subscriptions! Teto is happy having so many friends around the world… <3”
Advantages:
- Way faster and stronger most of the time
- Matches Al in terms of Weather Manipulation, Size Manipulation, and Transmutation
- Has far superior AOE with her planet-sized drills and Tetoman Taro’s abilities
- Takes the edge in teleportation, hair manipulation, sound manipulation, and time manipulation
- Better regen and immortality
- Fusionism would be a pretty good counter to Al turning into the sun
- Sealing would be a pretty easy way to end the fight
- Existence Erasure could put Al down…
- Is capable of killing Al as a spirit with the Harlequin Contraption pentagram and the Bat
- The Mesmerizer items providing an immunity to status effects is pretty nice
- The Drill provides massive AOE that Al cannot dodge easily
- The Retry Eye provide near infinite attempts to redo her actions
- Has WAY more songs
Disadvantages:
- Potentially weaker depending on how high you put Al
- Has some of her abilities such as Mind Manipulation resisted
- Could have her reality warping undone
- Would be vulnerable to the slugs
- Isn’t as skilled a fighter
- …But it’s very situational
- Support isn’t as good
- Pearto
“I suppose I had my rock star fantasies while I was singing into my hairbrush in the bathroom mirror. But I never really consciously said 'OK. This is what I'm going to do for a living and I'm going to be Weird Al.”
Advantages:
- Potentially stronger attack potency, certainly has lifting strength in the bag.
- Matches Teto in terms of Weather Manipulation, Size Manipulation, and Transmutation
- Takes the edge in terms of shapeshifting and telekinesis
- Can un-do Teto’s reality warping with a snap of his fingers
- Future Sight could give him a leg up
- Could leave Teto vulnerable to attack with flashback projection and broadway force…
- Has really good regen…
- Has more variety when it comes to ranged options
- Resists a lot of Teto’s abilities either inherently or with items like the Anti-Virus CD or his tinfoil hat
- The Virus has some incredibly useful abilities such as Data Erasure and Adaptation
- Could potentially steal skills through his Mutant Slugs
- Harvey would be able to overpower Teto’s support
- More skilled
- Has some absolutely goated songs
- Not slop
Disadvantages:
- WAY slower
- Has far inferior AOE
- …But can do nothing with an AP advantage
- Has been shown to create less clones
- Has worse items on average
- …But the rest of his unique abilities aren’t too helpful
- …But It’s the only one that can be countered
- Could be out-weirded, which could make him give up the battle
- Only knows the first two Pokemon generations
- Was in Velma
Despite how everything looks, this battle would take a good while. This is a battle where anything and everything can happen at once, given the sheer quantity and scale. Al’s regeneration would mean he can tank most of Teto’s standard options, and Teto’s (on average) lack of strategy means she wouldn’t know her main win condition for at least a little while. Though, given her ludicrous speed advantage, that doesn’t necessarily mean Al is free to control the battle however he wants. And given how he only maintains an AP advantage in the most generous of scenarios, that means it’d be statistically impossible for him to land any meaningful damage. Factor in Teto’s informational regen, and you can throw out the “statistically” part, it’d just be impossible.
All Al can do in a battle like this is hope for Teto to give in and throw in the towel on her own terms, but with friends like Miku and abilities that dispel negative status effects, Teto can ensure she keeps her head in the game. So the biggest obstacle in Teto’s way would be the computer virus, something that can definitely cut Teto’s support down to size, but wouldn’t be enough to end Teto herself. As versatile as they are, not even abilities like time travel would be practical enough due to Teto’s own various methods of time travel (Like the Retry Eye, her eagle, and more), and their erasure isn’t as deep as Teto’s regeneration. Which means it would only be a matter of time before she would eventually go for and defeat Al’s soul, ending what would undoubtedly be the weirdest fight in history.
Al be damned, she’s Tetoo much to handle. It’s like the old saying goes: If there’s a drill, there’s a way. The winner is Kasane Teto.
The Scorecards
Kasane Teto (14) - Capejedi, The Garf Shaker, Grantora, GumballViking, Hyperstarman, iceking, Lain, Miku_lvr, Miis, Miss Dime, Pasbros, Soup, TheBiteRaptor, TheDerpyPotat0
Weird Al Yankovic (6) - Bang, Thicc Grimes, Toxin, Tru, Yerm, Flip (We Love Al 😘)
Great blog!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really fun blog. Next time sounds especially fun!
ReplyDelete